John...
Kindly inform Doris Bloomquist that she neglected to list the by now
world famous and much beloved "Babe, " a paragon amongst pigs, in her
list of "Pig-roll-models.
Not only THAT, she totally overlooked my own personal
favorite-pig-in-the-whole world, "WILBUR," the porcine hero (with a
bit of help from a tiny spider named Charlotte plus the love of a
little girl named Fern) of "Charlotte's Web," a book by E.B. White,
who also immortalized the a spunky and adventuresome mouse, in his
enduring and endearing novel, "Stuart Little"
GET REAL, DORIS! If a pig makes it to HOLLYWOOD not once ("Babe"),
by TWICE ("Babe, Pig in the City") with who knows HOW many sequels
in the offing, then at least here in MY hometown PIGS are at LEAST as
popular as any OTHER big movie stars, and even MORE so than some
(Look out Lassie and Rin Tin Tin <and maybe Madona?>, 'cause YOU'VE
been upstaged by a PIG!) <grinning>
Barb Mallut
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-----Original Message-----
From: john bjork <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Sunday, February 28, 1999 9:48 AM
Subject: Dateline Parkinsaw, MI Report #4 - A View from the Lighter
Side
>Dateline Parkinsaw, MI
>Feb 28, 1999
>A View from the Lighter Side
>
>Welcome to Parkinsaw, a certified imaginary community located in
>Michigan's Upper Peninsula, populated largely by individuals
stricken by
>Parkinson's Disease. Stories, situations and characters are
fictitious
>and are presented in the belief that laughter, as music of the soul,
is
>God's gift to us all, and is good medicine. The Chamber of Commerce
is
>waiting to serve you. Enjoy your visit while you "Shuffle off to
Parka,
>Shuffle off to Parka, Shuffle off to Parkinsaaaw"
>
>Parkansonians around here love to get on a soapbox and expound on
>whatever subject happens to be on their minds that day. A
protracted
>discussion took place at the Town Hall Wednesday night, about the
>relative status of the pig in society in general, and here in
Parkinsaw
>in particular. I was there and this is what happened:
>
>There has been an almost reverent feeling about the pig here in
>Parkinsaw, ever since it became known that cells from pig foeteses
could
>be transplanted to humans to produce the dopamine that the brains we
>sufferers of Parkinson's Disease have stopped making. As a result,
>Parkinsaw has the largest per capita ownership of pet pigs in the
>country. Violet Swanson says of her pet pig Arnold "why I'd be lost
>without
> my little porker. I take him everywhere I go." Whether
pig-to-human
>transplants will occur in the future or not, residents here are
truly
>fond of these animals. Folks around here feel it ironic that the
one
>animal that possesses the potential for contributing to the
reversal of
>brain cell damage in humans is an animal which has been unfairly
>maligned over the years, made the butt of ridicule and derision, and
>generally treated with a pronounced lack of respect. "It just seems
to
>me that the pig has been given such a negative image, and
undeservingly
>so, that it's time to do something about it The only positive role
>models for the pig have been Disney's Porky Pig, Piggly Wiggly Food
>Stores and Miss Piggy", observed Doris Bloomquist. "It's time to
go to
>bat for the pig."
>
>So, after several hours of reasoned discussion, the citizens of
>Parkinsaw decided to form a new organization called "STY-KING" to:
>"Promote and enhance a favorable image of the pig by underscoring
its
>positive traits, encouraging ownership of pigs as pets and
companions
>for those stricken with PD, and to explain the many ways pigs can be
>trained to aid handicapped individuals. For example, pigs can be
>trained to help parkinsonians living alone to roll over in bed by
>pushing them with their snout, to empty bedpans and to fetch beer
and
>cigarettes. "The pig is known as one of the most intelligent of all
>animals, and it's remarkable the things they can be trained to do.
Why,
>I'm working with our pig Jeeves to mow the lawn and do the laundry",
>affirms Maude Olson. The group settled on the name "Parkie Pig"
as
>the organization's logo image, and Chubby L'Barre, who is an avid
pet
>pig owner, was named president. Chubby will appoint other
officers
>as needed.
>
>"The first order of business, eh"said Chubby passionately, "is to
get
>the word out that the pig is the only animal of all God's creatures
who
>can qualify for animal-to-human cell transplants. Although we've
>honored other animals throughout history such as the horse, dog,
>cat, monkeys, chimps, fish, whales, dolphins, not one of these
species
>is good enough to be considered as a source for the transplantation
of
>cells into human brains. Have the other animals been the
continuous
>butt of insulting jokes? Noooo! That's because they all have
positive
>images, while the poor little pig, who is the most intelligent of
them
>all, is singled out for his snout, maligned for his weight and
generally
>referred to as a fat, disgusting animal."
>
>Chubby L'Barre continued with this suggestion "I think we need to
>promote STY-KING in as many ways as we can, eh. Let's start with
some
>bumper stickers. I've been taking notes, and here's a few for
>starters": 'The Pig! Not Just for Bacon Anymore'; 'Have you
Hugged
>Your Pig Today?'; 'Pig Owners Make Better Lovers!'; 'Ask Me About
My
>Pig, Today'; 'Can Your Cat Give You a Cell Transplant?', and
'Ho(i)nk if
>you Love Pigs'. We can sell these things on the internet on the
Swede's
>web site where he already is selling his "Parkies Do It With Rigor"
>bumper stickers. I hear they're selling like Palmetto Bugs."
>
>Chubby received a round of applause for his suggestions. Then, a
>tourist wandered in, and asked why the pig was so popular in
Parkinsaw:
>"Pot-bellied pigs are pretty popular with parkies here in
Parkinsaw",
>profferred Paul Peterson, proud and prosperous proprietor of Paul's
>Piggery on Piggy Place, "probably primarily because they're playful,
>plentiful and pretty patient, and if properly pampered have proven
they
>can provide Parkinsaw parkinsonians with proprietary pig parts
>posthumanously, and, parenthetically, provide pretty productive
>potential partners as proverbially pristine pets."
>
>"Of course, that's easy for you to say", quipped the tourist, as he
>wandered out the door.
>
>With that, the meeting adjourned, and everyone went home to feed
their
>pig. Pigs eat well in Parkinsaw, and that's not a sty in the sky
>statement.
>
>Well, friends, the sun is sinking low here in Michigan's beautiful
>Upper Peninsula, and the deer are coming out to feed now. Speaking
of
>eating, I think I'll head over to Mullock and Mooky's Pit Barbeque
for
>some pork ribs. Nah, just kidding. Until next week, then, don't
you
>dare give in to PD and forfeit God's gift of your smile, laughter
and
>sense of humor.
>
>John R Bjork (60/20)
>A View from the Lighter Side
>Parkinsaw, MI
>
