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For those of ya who're fans of that wonderfully entertaining and endearing TV sitcom, "The Golden Girls," is it my imagination, or does "Parkinsaw, MI" bear a striking resemblance to Rose's beloved and oft-mentioned hometown of "St.. Olaf," Minnesota? <smile> Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] -----Original Message----- From: john bjork <[log in to unmask]> To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]> Date: Sunday, March 14, 1999 6:43 AM Subject: PD Humor from Parkinsaw, MI; "A View from the Lighter Side" (3/14/99) >March 14, 1999 >"A View from the Lighter Side" >PD Humor from Parkinsaw, MI >An Imaginary PWP Community > >Well, here we are Mid-March in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, and the ice >is finally moving out of the bay, which means spring is not far behind. >March is an interesting month: We have March-Madness and all that goes >with the NCAA basketball tournament; we have poetry, "Beware the Pox as >well the Ides, and the man with the box of color slides", and we have >preparation for the April 11th World Parkinson's Disease Day >celebration. We're planning a parade, veggie-brats with low-protein >(and low taste!) and lots of cold beer from the Northern Lights >microbrewery. And, of course, the Dopaminos will be playing their own >special oldies but goodies, like "You tell me your genes Dear, and I'll >tell you mine." > >As one rabbit around here said to another, "I'm having a Bad Hare Day." >It all started when my drugs refused to kick in this morning. I hate it >when that happens. When it takes me 20 minutes to remove those wire >ties they seal bread packages with, I know I'm in for rough one. I hope >the wife doesn't find the loaf I stomped on in a fit of rage. Oh well, >at least I got the package open. I'll give the rest to the birds. > >Chubby LaBarre, president of Sty-King, which promotes a more positive >image of the lowly pig, in view of the significant role pig cell >transportation is playing in finding a cure for PD, has scheduled a >strategy meeting later this week at the Pancake House. Chubby invited >Carl and Porcine, the World's Only Dancing Flamenco pig, to play and >dance some Flamenco tunes for us, so it should be fun. Nothing new on >the rumor that Miss Piggy had agreed to be the "Pin-up Porker" for the >Sty-King campaign. The choice for official fight song for the promotion >has been narrowed down to two: "This could be the start of something >Pig", and "Pig of my Heart." Chubby will make the call sometime next >week. > >Many loyal, hard-working Parkinsonians, picking up on an idea seen on >the Internet, have been busy collecting Pennies for Parkinson's, and >have accumulated some coin already to donate to the State PDF >fund-raising program. We've informed the State PDF Office of our >commitment to help during the World Awareness Day, but we've heard >nothing back yet. Our goal is modest but where do we send all those >pennies? > >The new Northern Lights microbrewery has been a huge success here in >Parkinsaw. The most popular beer by far has been Levolager. Old >Rasmussen has given up whisky since he fell down his basement stairs >after getting overly tight a couple of days ago, but he's found a new >friend in Levolager. I've tried this new lager and I swear it does more >good for my tremor than Sinemet. The Dopaminos were great last night at >the Basil Ganglia Lounge, as usual, and sang a brand new parody, >"Sinemetal Journey". "Clever, catchy, cute and corny, but carefully >crafted", cried Cathy Carlson, "clearly counter-conventional, while >containing contemporarily cautious, and classic-causal content, >conveying classy connotations. Congratulations!" Easy for you to say, >Cathy, easy for you to say. > > Researchers here still are evaluating the Florida Palmetto Bug as a >natural predator of the Zebra Mussel. The mussels have a >super-efficient aquafiltration system which is gradually destroying >plant life and fish in the Great Lakes, because when the mussels >filter-out all the food nutrients, there's nothing left for the fish. >Although they've been closed-mouthed about their progress, word is >getting out that they've run into a snag: Apparently the Palmetto Bug, >voracious as it is, displays periods of so-called 'selective appetite >syndrome', and quite literally becomes lethargic and disinterested in >the mollusks once on the lake bottom. There's a theory that the >dumber-than-dumb mussel possesses some sort of secret power that enables >it to render its predators like the notoriously indestructible Palmetto >Bug harmless. If we ever get the Palmetto Bug business operation under >way, I have the perfect slogan: "This Bug's For You". > >Another exciting home-based product hit the street this week here in >Parkinsaw: The do-it-yourself Neurological Examination Kit. Lloyd >Anderson (45/12), inventor of 'BE-THE-DOC' puts it this way: "Why pay >hundreds of dollars for a neurological exam when you can do it yourself >with a small computer and a mirror? Most of us have had many exams, and >how hard is it to tell if you can touch your nose? " Here's apparently >how it works: Using the full-length mirror (batteries not included), you >follow the traditional exam points such as touching and moving various >body parts, while watching how you're doing in the mirror, noting >anything that looks "funny", like if you don't have a clue where your >nose is. Then you strap on a set of stereo glasses, which plugs right >into your home computer, and run the eye analysis program which >automatically checks for things that shouldn't be there and are, or >should be there and are not. Tap your feet and clap your hands. Note >anything untoward. Stand erect, close those baby blues and rock slowly >back and forth. If you loose your balance and crash into the wall, >clean everything up and write it up. Now, set-up the mirror at the end >of a hall, and walk towards the mirror, carefully noting your gait, your >arm swing, steadiness and how cool you look in those tight jeans and >western boots. Note any irregularities such as weaving, stumbling, >shortness of breath, or bumping into walls. Crank the data into the >computer, run the program, and send a copy to your neuro for >professional evaluation. . > >Well, friends, that's it for another week from Parkinsaw, MI. The sun >is slowly sinking in the west, a little later each day now, and soon it >will be dark. The deer will be coming out to look for food, those >beautiful, gentle creatures. In closing, remember no matter how bleak >the sky, how hard it is to open a loaf of bread, or to type a letter, or >to roll-over in bed, or how cruddy we feel, we simply cannot give-in to >this disease and let it forfeit God's gift of our smile, laughter and >sense of humor. We'll see you next week. > >John R Bjork > >NOTE: All "A View from the Lighter Side" Reports are now available on >the >Parkinsaw, MI Web Page at: http://www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm >