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March 14, 1999 "A View from the Lighter Side" PD Humor from Parkinsaw, MI An Imaginary PWP Community Well, here we are Mid-March in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, and the ice is finally moving out of the bay, which means spring is not far behind. March is an interesting month: We have March-Madness and all that goes with the NCAA basketball tournament; we have poetry, "Beware the Pox as well the Ides, and the man with the box of color slides", and we have preparation for the April 11th World Parkinson's Disease Day celebration. We're planning a parade, veggie-brats with low-protein (and low taste!) and lots of cold beer from the Northern Lights microbrewery. And, of course, the Dopaminos will be playing their own special oldies but goodies, like "You tell me your genes Dear, and I'll tell you mine." As one rabbit around here said to another, "I'm having a Bad Hare Day." It all started when my drugs refused to kick in this morning. I hate it when that happens. When it takes me 20 minutes to remove those wire ties they seal bread packages with, I know I'm in for rough one. I hope the wife doesn't find the loaf I stomped on in a fit of rage. Oh well, at least I got the package open. I'll give the rest to the birds. Chubby LaBarre, president of Sty-King, which promotes a more positive image of the lowly pig, in view of the significant role pig cell transportation is playing in finding a cure for PD, has scheduled a strategy meeting later this week at the Pancake House. Chubby invited Carl and Porcine, the World's Only Dancing Flamenco pig, to play and dance some Flamenco tunes for us, so it should be fun. Nothing new on the rumor that Miss Piggy had agreed to be the "Pin-up Porker" for the Sty-King campaign. The choice for official fight song for the promotion has been narrowed down to two: "This could be the start of something Pig", and "Pig of my Heart." Chubby will make the call sometime next week. Many loyal, hard-working Parkinsonians, picking up on an idea seen on the Internet, have been busy collecting Pennies for Parkinson's, and have accumulated some coin already to donate to the State PDF fund-raising program. We've informed the State PDF Office of our commitment to help during the World Awareness Day, but we've heard nothing back yet. Our goal is modest but where do we send all those pennies? The new Northern Lights microbrewery has been a huge success here in Parkinsaw. The most popular beer by far has been Levolager. Old Rasmussen has given up whisky since he fell down his basement stairs after getting overly tight a couple of days ago, but he's found a new friend in Levolager. I've tried this new lager and I swear it does more good for my tremor than Sinemet. The Dopaminos were great last night at the Basil Ganglia Lounge, as usual, and sang a brand new parody, "Sinemetal Journey". "Clever, catchy, cute and corny, but carefully crafted", cried Cathy Carlson, "clearly counter-conventional, while containing contemporarily cautious, and classic-causal content, conveying classy connotations. Congratulations!" Easy for you to say, Cathy, easy for you to say. Researchers here still are evaluating the Florida Palmetto Bug as a natural predator of the Zebra Mussel. The mussels have a super-efficient aquafiltration system which is gradually destroying plant life and fish in the Great Lakes, because when the mussels filter-out all the food nutrients, there's nothing left for the fish. Although they've been closed-mouthed about their progress, word is getting out that they've run into a snag: Apparently the Palmetto Bug, voracious as it is, displays periods of so-called 'selective appetite syndrome', and quite literally becomes lethargic and disinterested in the mollusks once on the lake bottom. There's a theory that the dumber-than-dumb mussel possesses some sort of secret power that enables it to render its predators like the notoriously indestructible Palmetto Bug harmless. If we ever get the Palmetto Bug business operation under way, I have the perfect slogan: "This Bug's For You". Another exciting home-based product hit the street this week here in Parkinsaw: The do-it-yourself Neurological Examination Kit. Lloyd Anderson (45/12), inventor of 'BE-THE-DOC' puts it this way: "Why pay hundreds of dollars for a neurological exam when you can do it yourself with a small computer and a mirror? Most of us have had many exams, and how hard is it to tell if you can touch your nose? " Here's apparently how it works: Using the full-length mirror (batteries not included), you follow the traditional exam points such as touching and moving various body parts, while watching how you're doing in the mirror, noting anything that looks "funny", like if you don't have a clue where your nose is. Then you strap on a set of stereo glasses, which plugs right into your home computer, and run the eye analysis program which automatically checks for things that shouldn't be there and are, or should be there and are not. Tap your feet and clap your hands. Note anything untoward. Stand erect, close those baby blues and rock slowly back and forth. If you loose your balance and crash into the wall, clean everything up and write it up. Now, set-up the mirror at the end of a hall, and walk towards the mirror, carefully noting your gait, your arm swing, steadiness and how cool you look in those tight jeans and western boots. Note any irregularities such as weaving, stumbling, shortness of breath, or bumping into walls. Crank the data into the computer, run the program, and send a copy to your neuro for professional evaluation. . Well, friends, that's it for another week from Parkinsaw, MI. The sun is slowly sinking in the west, a little later each day now, and soon it will be dark. The deer will be coming out to look for food, those beautiful, gentle creatures. In closing, remember no matter how bleak the sky, how hard it is to open a loaf of bread, or to type a letter, or to roll-over in bed, or how cruddy we feel, we simply cannot give-in to this disease and let it forfeit God's gift of our smile, laughter and sense of humor. We'll see you next week. John R Bjork NOTE: All "A View from the Lighter Side" Reports are now available on the Parkinsaw, MI Web Page at: http://www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm