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Dateline: Parkinsaw, MI March 21, 1999 A View from the Lighter Side (Also available at web site: www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm) Welcome to Parkinsaw, a certified imaginary community located in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, populated largely by individuals stricken with Parkinson's Disease. Stories, situations and characters are presented in the belief that laughter, as music of the soul, is good medicine. The Chamber of Commerce is waiting to serve you. The first day of spring has finally arrived! Unfortunately, we can't put away our snow shovels or take off our snow tires just yet, since they're predicting 4 inches of snow today. And, of course, the ice is still in the bay. In Michigan's Upper Peninsula, we say we have two seasons up here: winter and two months of tough sledding. Currently, everyone around here is excited about the arrival of World Parkinson's Disease Day, which takes place between the 10th and 12th of April, or, if you prefer, the 11th of April. Also, we understand that April is Parkinson's Disease Month. We have a major effort underway to get our local media to focus on four important realities of PD: (1) The prevalence of PD; (2) The monetary and emotional costs involved; (3) The unrelenting pain and suffering of PWP; and (4) that PD research is yielding important discoveries and is considered by the National Institutes of Health to be the "First chronic nervous degenerative disease where we'll see a major breakthrough, with really significant reversals of symptoms." We also hope to get the word out that there are over 1 million cases of PD in the U.S., with 50,000 new cases diagnosed annually, with the cost to the country from PD estimated to be over 25 billion dollars. A very expensive disease indeed. Locally, Jake Benoit (55/45) and Charlie Johnson (53/40), two long-term PWP residents, who still work as plumbers part-time, finally got the kinks out of their newest and most exciting product, "The Shave N' Pooper", and have setup an internet web site (www.poop n' shave.com) to accept orders. Basically, the Pooper is a wheeled cart designed to allow shaving while sitting on the pot. The standard model features a stainless steel bowl for hot water, a hot lather dispenser, air freshener, storage drawers for razors, blades, towels and toilet paper. An innovative pill storage unit with timer is also included to help ensure that the wide varieties of medicines we need are taken at the proper intervals. A magazine rack is also included. The deluxe model features upgraded appointments, a telephone, and a small television. A highly efficient, automatic plunger is also included. The company plans to donate 10% of profits to Parkinson's Research. There has been much discussion everywhere about the causes of Parkinson's. We have reported before that as far as we can figure out up this way is that it could just as well be the sub-par play of the Detroit Tigers causing excessive pressure on dopamine producing cells as anything else. Still, there is the potentially adverse impact on our brain cells from excessive exposure to the little temptations of life, which could play a role in this matter. For example, what about continual consumption of Twinkies as a child, with all that sugar, washed down by sugary soda pop and Cool Aide? How about sniffing glue in paper bags, which allowed you to fly your model plane after you, built it? And, how about Rock N' Roll? Blame it on the Stones! To tell the truth I put my money on the environmental neurotoxin theory, especially involving pesticides and copper and iron in the water supply. (Especially since the Upper Peninsula was once a major producer of iron and copper ore) In that way I don't have to worry about listening to Mick Jaeger while I gobble down a couple of chocolate donuts. I've also heard it could be from faulty jeans; what, my Levis were too ragged and frayed growing up? Noted in the local Buyer's Guide, an old commode for sale; must be cleaned. Could be used as conversation piece, birdbath, ice chest, place for a cat, fish tank, or plant pot. $10.00 OBO.You haul away. Contact Rasmussen on Enzyme Court. The wait is over. Chubby LaBarre has made his selection for the official Sty-King song for the "Improve the Pig's Image" campaign. And the winner is, ta-da: "This could be the Start of Something Pig!" Coincidentally, the Parkinsaw Medical Center Department of Neurology announced today that they were going to expand research in the field of fetal pig cell transplants. Now, that could be the start of something pig, and, in a pig way! Recent articles tout moderate exercise as the best way to maintain good health, and is even thought to stimulate the growth of brain cells. Old Jimmy Olson (68/20) had the right idea then to build his home gym. Suffering from acute insomnia, Jimmy ordered every exercise machine he saw on late-night television. The only thing is that he has never actually uses the machines, except for hanging clothes on them. For example, he bought a Gut B' Gone contraption last year and the first time he tried to use it it slipped off his feet and nearly put his eye out. Now, the Gut B' Gone is a modern art wall hanging mounted on his living room wall. Jimmy swears, though, he's going to be ready for the Spring Parka-Thon when he defends his record in the mile walk, the ten lap pool swim and the mile bike ride. Jimmy was the 1998 Parkinson's Disease Clay Man finalist, against a field of 16. Way to go Jimmy O. Well Friends, it's still snowing, and the deer are deep in the brush. I think I'll trot on over to the Basal Ganglia Steak House for one of their Lumberjack breakfasts and coffee. We'll talk to you downstream next week. Until then, don't give in to PD and forfeit God's gift of your smile, your laugh and your sense of humor. John Bjork (60/20) www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm