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A View from the Lighter Side Humorous Stories About Coping with PD Parkinsaw, MI (Imaginary PWP Town ) April 4th, 1999 (Easter Sunday) Welcome to Parkinsaw, an imaginary community, located in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, populated largely by People with Parkinson's Disease (PWP). Stories, situations and characters are fictitious and are presented in the belief that laughter, as music of the soul, is good medicine. The Chamber of Commerce is waiting to serve you. Enjoy your visit while you "Shuffle off to Parka, Shuffle off to Parka, Shuffle off to Parkinsaaaw" Well, first of all, happy Easter to one and all from everyone up here in Parkinsaw. We went to sunrise service this morning, and really felt better for the experience. It was a beautiful morning, with the rays of the sun reflecting on the ice in the bay. Now that spring is officially here, planning has begun for the annual Parka-Thon, which this year promises to be the best ever. In addition to the athletic competition, anchored by the Clay Man Contest Triathlon, and the popular Rolling over in Bed heats, there will be a new competition category called Domestic Situations. This category will feature a Spaghetti Eating Contest, with red sauce, and Red Chianti wine. Entrants must use a fork for the event, wear a white shirt, and will have their own table with white tablecloth. The person with cleanest table cloth and shirt wins. For the seafood lover in you, an all-you-can-eat crab feast competition is also planned, weather permitting. Incidentally, although not allowed during the competition, the new Mess-B-Gone bib, especially designed for PWP, will be on sale with proceeds going to the Parkinson's Disease Foundation. This item will be a big seller, about that there is no doubt. The event will be sponsored by the Northern Lights microbrewery this year, and they will be introducing their latest brew, Parky Pilsner. Music by the Dopaminos, of course, who will be playing their old hits: " Just Shuffle on By, Wait on the Corner", and "Blame it On the Levodopa." Arnie Bergman, of the runaway snowmobile fame, appears to becoming desperate to find a cure for his freezing-up problem, without stopping drinking. To this end, he ordered a do-it-yourself acupuncture kit from an ad in one of those tabloids. Don't know much about it yet, but it comes with five different skull caps with pre-drilled holes through which you apply the needles. Arnie, Arnie; what were you thinking? Stay tuned for more, after Arnie gets his kit. The Sty-King bunch met this week to work on promoting the pig in view of all the positive contributions this wonderful animal has provided to PD research and, in some limited cases, the transportation of fetal brain cells to PD patients. Chubby LaBarre asked how they could get involved in the Parkinson's Disease Awareness Month. Maude Olson, who owns her pet pig Jeeves, suggested they 'piggy-back' on what the local community will be doing, and then develop a theme we could use to go nation-wide. So, again Chubby LaBarre took charge. With nostrils flaring and eyes flashing, Chubby outlined his plan. "What we need to do first is to demonstrate right here in Parkinsaw just how intelligent the pig really is, how trainable they are and how helpful they can be to those PWP who have mobility disabilities. Then we think up a campaign slogan. Something like 'Pigs may not be rocket scientists, but they're smart enough to take care of you' " So, it was decided that the group would put on a special exhibition during the World Parkinson's Awareness Month celebration, featuring the smartest and best-trained pigs, showing the things they can do such as searching for, and retrieving, misplaced car keys, eye glasses, the TV remote or cell phone. Maude pointed out that she had already trained her pet pig to help her husband roll over in bed, and to bring her beer from the refrigerator. "She just pushes Andy over with her snout." (I wonder if that means the pig is a 'push-over'?) Maude suddenly sat straight up in her chair and said excitedly: "Listen, everyone, You know about that great new idea to raise money for PD research, "Pennies for Parkinson's?" Oh, no, I thought, I could see this one coming. What next, Pigs for Parkinson's? "Well, why not develop our slogan to support this activity, with a lovely picture of our most attractive pig, but with our unique twist on it, like 'pounds of pennies for Parkinson's. What do you think? We can make a bumper sticker with that slogan, and we could put it on the web site!" Chubby said "Great idea Maude, I like it. How about this for the slogan: "The Parkinsaw Pig's Pounds of Pennies for Parkinson's Program." Everyone cheered and high-fived as the idea took shape. "Here's how the Program could work: We'll advertise using bumper stickers and our web site (www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm), to encourage residents, and our friends and supporters to fill-up coffee-can size containers with pennies (as well as other coins!), literally pounds of coins, take them to the bank, and get a check made out to NPF. We'll put Parkinsaw, MI on the map." There goes the neighborhood, I thought. I had my own slogan, but I remained mute: The Parkinsaw Pig says if I can donate my brain for Parkinson's Disease Research, how about you coughing up a few lousy pennies for the cause to help cure this terrible disease." Not very elegant, I do admit; blame it on the Lelodopa beer I had for lunch. Well, good friends and neighbors, the sun is setting later in the afternoon now, the birds and animals are all excited about spring. Soon the deer will be out in droves. I've never seen a drove, incidentally, wonder what it looks like. And if you're up this way and out in the brush, and you see a bear, remember you can't outrun a Michigan bear in the woods. (Nor a Wolverine, for that matter). Now, until next week, don't let PD rob you of Gods gift to you of your smile, laugh and sense of humor. John Bjork (60/20 Parkinsaw, MI "We May be Slow But We're Not Too Sure"