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**HAPPY WORLD'S PARKINSON'S DISEASE AWARENESS DAY** Parkinsaw, MI: A View from the Lighter Side of PD, May 11, 1999. World Parkinson's Disease Awareness Day and Month. Archbishop Desmond M. Tutu's Prayer is attached. Welcome once again to Parkinsaw, MI, the alternative, make-believe world of zany residents living in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, doing their level best to cope with the disease while waiting for The Cure. All of us here are delighted you came to visit on this special day. Drive carefully, and watch out for the pigs. The little porkers are everywhere. Lately, the natives have been getting restless. Maybe it was the long winter, but this week there seemed to be more concern and worry about when a meaningful PD cure will be found. For example, during an informal group meeting on the subject at the Northern Lights over a couple Levodopas, old Rasmussen said he believed it would be at least five years before they'll have a cure that will enable an individual to lead a normal life. He felt he was already at serious risk from the disease since he was getting on in years, and was worried about surviving until a cure was found and available. Rasmussen then startled the group by stating he was looking into a service provided by a new company called Cold Turkey, Inc., whose motto is: "We keep you cold so you won't grow old." Cold Turkey promises their service will ensure "you'll be around when the cure is found." Rasmussen raved about the concept: "Simply put, they put you in a deep freeze sleep for up to ten years, so when they finally discover a PD cure, they thaw you out and you stand in line for the magic bullet. It's all high-tech, and quite frankly, it's cheaper to go into the fridge for five years than to live normally". Of course, I had to think of the downside: You'd miss five superbowls and five NCAA hoop finals. And, think of all that great tasting Levodopa beer you'd be missing. Several of the group expressed more than a casual interest in the Cold Turkey service, and Rasmussen promised he'd keep us all informed of his plans, like, for instance, what he was going to do about his wife. Tom Shelton told us a sordid tale of his recent trip to Milwaukee to arrange financing for his Bait-Buddy invention. The way he tells it, he and a friend were downtown when they saw a group of people standing around in front of an arts theater. They stopped and asked what was going on, and were told that a pantomiming clown had been gunned down, seemingly in an unprovoked attack. When they heard this, Tom's friend looked at him and said "Such a shame. A mime is a terrible thing to waste" (Sorry about that.) I suffer primarily from tremor and slowness of movement. I mean, sometimes I really do move like a snail, especially at night. How slow am I, you ask? Well, I'm so slow that when getting ready for bed, by the time I get my shoes and socks off, my clothes off, check where the dog is, check where my wife is, get into bed, adjust those %& sheets, adjust the $#@% blanket, adjust the pillow, get up again to take my #$% medicine, repeat all previous steps, and kiss my wife good-night who fell immediately to sleep hours ago (I hate it when that happens), roll over a couple of times 'cause I'm a masochist, it's time to get up already! A small group of us went down to the casino at Manistique, to play blackjack, poker and craps. Jack Benoit, who hadn't played poker in years, seemed to loose the close hands, especially when he had the cards. After watching him for a few hands, I finally spotted the reason why. Being a tremor-ridden Parky, it wasn't all that difficult to spot. In the business, the pros call it a "tell"; and Jack was telling his whole story. When Jack had an average hand, he appeared serene, relaxed and in command. When he had a killer hand, though, his right hand would shake just enough that he had to either sit on it, or stick it in his belt, anything to hide the tremor. He didn't realize the rough guys at the table figured out the tell real fast, and had him for dinner. Over at the craps table we weren't doing much better. Old man Coons (70/25), eyes blazing, looking like Ichabod Crane, lost control of the dice on a come out roll, and one die ended up down the bodice of a well-endowed lady. Coons, who had consumed more than an adequate amount of vodka, offered to retrieve the die until the lady's escort, who was a Hulk Hogan look-alike, offered to remove Old Man Coons' head. But it all ended well when the lady had a long run of making her point, with Coons blowing on her dice for good luck while the "Hulk" cheered them both on. What a night. Sometimes it's difficult and confusing to believe you really have Parkinson's Disease. The information you read about how easy it is to misdiagnose PD doesn't help. Well. Not to worry. Specialists using situational analysis have identified some common scenarios which, if pertain to you, may be an indication of the neurodegenerative disorder killing off your brain cells. For example, you might suspect you have Parkinson's Disease when, after completing half of a delicious pasta dinner, the waiter calls the manager to your table, and after viewing the condition of the table cloth and surrounding area, discreetly invites you for a drink at the bar while the bus boys cordon off the table and place the area off-limits for the evening. I do hate it when that happens, especially when eating with chopsticks, and soup is served. The Sty-King group has just informed me that after careful deliberation, they have decided to change to the following slogan for the national campaign: The Parkinsaw Pig Says: "One Thousand Pennies for Parkinson's Makes Good Cents." The group also introduced a new bumper sticker in support of the pig: "Caution! Baby Pig on Board!" The new slogan has been placed on the Parkinsaw web site, and visitors to the site are encouraged to contribute one thousand pennies in support of Parkinson's research. For convenience, it is suggested that they simply send in a check for $10 in lieu of packing up one thousand pennies in a coffee can. Arnie Bergman received his do-it-yourself acupuncture kit called, appropriately enough, Parky-Puncture, and I'll tell you, Arnie really must be getting desperate. First, you lather up your head and shave it bald! Bald as a cue ball. Then, the first of five-colored skullcaps is fitted to your head, carefully aligning the cap with your ears and nose. With the pink scull cap (#1) aligned, the patient takes five acupuncture needles from the kit, And finding hole #1 from the enclosed map, the needle is inserted in the hole and gently pressed into the scull, while evaluating any effect on the tremor. Basically, the process is repeated, gradually working through each color scull cap to a maximum of 250 needles into your scull. If you run into trouble, like pain, say, you can call 1-800-TROUBLE, or dial 911. Arnie is still reading the manual, but he has an appointment with the barber tomorrow, to have his head shaved. Well, I see by the clock on the wall, there's a dead fly. Soon, of course, there will be many of the little demons from hell, sometimes referred to as our State bird. Do you know the difference between flies and PD? There will never be a cure for a fly. With that in mind, don't give in to PD and let it rob you of God's gift of your laughter, smile or sense of humor. John Bjork (60/20) A View from the Lighter Side of PD Parkinsaw, MI (An imaginary haven for PWP) Web Site: www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm [Parkinson’s Disease World Awareness Day Prayer: O God You are the source of all goodness, life, light, and health and knowledge. We thank You for all that you have given us so lavishly – food, shelter, life, love. We thank You for those who have loved and cared for us – our fathers and mothers, our sisters and brothers, our relatives and friends – others lack all of these things. We come before You as Your children who are suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. The world is not always as aware of us as we would want. We thank You for those striving to make us more visible. We, too, are human persons with feelings and emotions. We are thankful for those who have passed laws that seek to make Parkinson’s Disease a national and indeed and international issue. We want the world to know that we exist. We are here. We are not shadows. We are not misfits. We are human beings with a certain affliction. We pray that there will be greater awareness of our plight. We pray that our governments will make adequate funds available for research to discover a cure for Parkinson’s Disease. We are on the verge of a breakthrough. We pray for those who compassionately look after us and those searching for a cure. Bless their efforts and crown them with wonderful success. Bless us all. Pour forth your Holy Spirit on us all abundantly now and always. Amen. Desmond M. Tutu Archbishop Emeritus of Cape Town, South Africa Nobel Peace Laureate] God bless you all. Yours sincerely, Desmond M. Tutu Archbishop Emeritus Robert W. Woodruff Visiting Professor of Theology DMT/jls