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Much concern has been registered about GI problems recently. This caught my eye and I just had to share it! In a message dated 4/14/99 12:27:35 AM Central Daylight Time, [log in to unmask] writes: > *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* > > Excuses For Calling in Sick > > 1. If it's all the same to you, I won't be coming in > to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns > today. > > 2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in > addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, > but I feel good about it. > > 3. On Saturday, I set half the clocks in my house > ahead an hour and the other half back an hour, > I can never remember which it is -- accordingly, > I will be in late or early. > > 4. I can't come into work today because I'll be > stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not > showing up for work. Okay? > > 5. I'm stuck in the blood pressure machine at Walgreens. > > 6. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit > disorderand, hey, how about them Falcons, huh? So I > won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll > be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. > > 7. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. > > 8. I just found out that I was switched at birth. > Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my > employee records may now contain false information. > > 9. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. > He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite > things when I am startled. > > 10. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike > to the vet. > > 11. I prefer to remain an enigma. Or is it "enema"? > > 12. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the > Undead and we must track her to her coffin and > drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal > peace. One day should do it. > > 13. I can't come to work today because the EPA has > determined that my house is completely surrounded > by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter > transportation. > > 14. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. > > 15. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest > rates. > > *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* >