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Dateline: Parkinsaw, MI: A View from the Lighter Side of PD, May 6, 1999 Greetings from Parkinsaw, MI, the imaginary community of Parkinsonians situated in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. The Chamber of Commerce and the merchants of this charming town welcome you. Drive carefully, because most of us up here may be slow but we're not too sure. Watch out for pigs on leashes and fishermen on pogo sticks. We have to adjust our publication schedule for a couple weeks on account of my 91 year-old mother fell and broke her other hip. She's one tough Norwegian, and aside from the hip, is healthier than yours truly. She's doing great and soon will be back home. As an aside, I'm the only family member with PD, and that includes going back three generations. We start this week's report with a peek at the way of life of the Indian tribes, which existed in the Upper Peninsula in the 18th century. (I wonder if they had PD?) Numbering in the thousands, the Indians had a rich history passed down in stories from generation to generation. One such story dates back to the era of 1760 during the settlement of the area. Apparently, there was quite a rare occurrence involving three squaws who became pregnant at exactly the same time. As the story goes, each of the Indian women had been given a special mating rug by their husbands. The Chief's squaw had an imported Hippopotamus skin, which was quite beautiful, while the two other squaws had been given local bear skin rugs. Each day following their chores, the three women would all sit in the sun on their rugs. Finally, the time arrived for them to give birth. Of the women who had been given bear skin rugs, one had a son and the other a daughter, while the Chief's wife gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. As a result, it was known from that day forth in local Indian lore that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides. I met a man yesterday over at the Northern Lights microbrewery. He said he was from Lower Michigan, near Ann Arbor. He reminded me of my father in a way, just over six feet, with a strong, well-preserved look, and the tanned, weathered face of an outdoors sportsman. His teeth were in excellent shape, and his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, although they had a sadness that his glasses couldn't hide. He was standing at the bar, a cigarette dangling from his lips, nursing a Levolager beer. He had a minor tremor in his right hand. During the ensuing conversation about the Detroit Tigers playing near.500 ball this season, I asked him if he happened to have Parkinson's since he was certainly in the right place. He smiled and said "that's why I'm up here in the U.P., I'm moving to Parkinsaw. Frankly, I was just diagnosed with the disease last week. The doctor said it was probably due to my self-destructive life style." I was intrigued, because although he was obviously getting on in years, still seemed pretty healthy to me. "You see, I've never really taken of myself. Every day of my life I've consumed a quart of wine, 2-six packs of beer and a nice glass of port to go with my cigar after dinner. I smoke two packs of Camels a day, and, when I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until it goes away'" "Why that's amazing", I said, "you look like you're in such excellent shape for your age. Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you?" The old man smiled, and replied, " 26." Tom Shelton had a scare yesterday. Tom took a day off from his fishing to practice riding a pogo stick in preparation for the forthcoming Parka-Thon races. The way he tells it he was doing quite well bouncing along the sidewalk with his pet pig "Jake" on-leash, when suddenly his normally controlled tremor hit him hard and he began to pick-up speed. Worse, he couldn't stop on account of what was later described as a "asymmetrical freeze syndrome", so with a sprong! He continued to bounce along gaining speed heading right for the lake with Jake doing his best to keep up. Avoiding cars and pedestrians alike who all honked happily while flashing him high-fives, Tom headed right for his beloved 10th Street fishing pier where with a final sprong! He bounced right off the end of the pier and into the water, with Jake being pulled in right along with him, grunting guttural sounds of protest. Strangely, the dousing seemed to break the tremor-freeze cycle and he was able to drag himself back to shore pogo stick, pig and all. Stranger still, Tom said that although he was "hopping mad" he wasn't giving up on the pogo stick races just yet. I'm sure "Sprong" Shelton, as he's now known, will be right in the middle of the competition. We're quite sure Jake will avoid pogo sticks at all hazards, though. The list of events for the July 4th Parka-Thon competition is growing. First, the pogo stick races, and now the latest entry is a half-mile kayak race on Lake Parkinsaw. Many of the Parkinsonians own and use their kayaks for physical fitness. In fact, some adventuresome souls use their kayaks for camping on many of the remote pristine lakes found here in the Upper Peninsula. One story, which is frequently told and re-told over beer, describes a camper who had become lost and was using his kayak on shore as shelter on one dark and near freezing night. The camper had crawled inside the kayak and had made a small fire to keep him warm. Somehow, during the night the kayak caught fire and the camper barely awoke in time to exit the kayak and save his life. The experience taught him a valuable lesson, though, which he swears helps him to this day to face his struggles with PD: You can't have your kayak and heat it too. (Quick, get the hook) I wonder if there's something in our water up here, which could explain all the wacky, self-administered attempts to alleviate the symptoms of PD. We just got wind of another hair-brained experiment which maybe even too bazaar for Parkinsaw. The details are sketchy, but it seems that one Elmer Larson has modified one of those hair-drying hoods found in beauty shops by installing dozens of large suction cups, which are connected to a powerful amplifier. Then, connected to the amplifier are a series of probes, which are inserted deep into the trunk of a healthy tree. Elmer reasons that by accessing nature's energy flowing through a tree upwards towards its branches can put the individual in harmony with the healing power of the cosmos and provide some relief from PD tremors. If this works, it will down in history as really getting to the root of a medical problem. "The ultimate Tree-ment for Parkinson's." In a more serious vein, nothing worth while in this life comes to us without a cost. Although the humorous stories we write about the fictitious happenings in Parkinsaw are provided free of charge, we need your support to make our grass roots fund-raising activity work. The Parkinson Alliance, within the National Parkinson Foundation, has initiated a "Pennies for Parkinson's" campaign. This campaign is designed to support funding for 100 high-quality grants for each of the next two years, with a goal to find a cure for this dreadful disease. To keep within the spirit of the "Pennies for Parkinson's" theme, we offer our program of Virtual Canisters on our web site to enable those individuals who enjoy reading Parkinsaw, MI: A View from the Lighter Side of PD, to make a minimum contribution of One Thousand Pennies. To relieve you of the arduous task of collecting, packing and mailing all these pennies, we simply ask you to send a check for $10 made out to Parkinson Alliance to us here at the Parkinsaw, MI collection center, for forwarding on to Washington. We want the checks to come here first so we'll know how well Parkinsaw, MI collection efforts are doing. For more details, just click-on the "Thousand Pennies for Parkinson's" selection on the main menu of the web site. (For Listserv members, the web site is at www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw/htm) Well it's getting to be that time of day again when the deer start peeking out from the jack pine wondering which shrub they're going to eat. Everyone, of course, has tall fences around their gardens to keep the lovely but destructive creatures out. Between the deer and the geese they can really mess up a yard. We're going to meet at the Northern Lights microbrewery tonight for couple Levodopa brews, and we'll be back with you in a week or so. Remember: Don't let PD destroy God's gift of your smile, laugh and sense of humor. John Bjork