 |
 |
Dateline: Parkinsaw, MI Special Report: Pope Paul Postpones Pilgrimage to Parkinsaw Pending Previous Plans. Pleased Persecuted Pigs Properly Protected in Parkinsaw by Premier Porker Premises Protection Plan June 9, 1999 Well, it's been quite a day here in humid, hot Parkinsaw, MI. First, although Pope John Paul VI did not travel to Parkinsaw citing his health and other factors, sources within the Vatican confirm that a confidential visit was made by one of their representatives to assess the efficacy of the protection safeguards installed at the Porker and Goose Sanctuary. The representative, who we will call Father Sarducci, was in Michigan to see a Detroit Tigers baseball game. Following the game, he made a secret 500-mile side trip north to Parkinsaw, met with the Porker and Goose Sanctuary security manager Dudley Doowrong, and was given a tour of the security controls installed there. Obviously, we cannot reveal any one security measure lest we compromise the entire security structure, but Father Sarducci was impressed by the thoroughness of the security approach, and pronounced the pigs and geese "properly protected." The envoy was then given a short briefing on the situation in CT and OH, including the Flying Pigs, and what we now call "Parcel Pigs," or, pigs en route to the Sanctuary, and appeared satisfied that everything possible was being done from an animal rights viewpoint. Mr. Doowrong, who also has PD, told me that he informally mentioned to the special envoy over a couple cold Levolagers, that many people think His Holiness should assume a more active role in calling attention to the devastating nature of Parkinson's Disease world-wide, be more aggressive in leading the fight to find a cure, and openly discuss his own experiences with the disease. Father Sarducci smiled and said something to the effect that no promises, but "he would see that the message was passed on." With that, the good Father disappeared as mysteriously as he had arrived. A final item. Given that it was in the 90's up here this week, those individuals Planning Passages for Parcel Pigs should Ponder this Poop when Packing Pigs Pokes. John Bjork Parkinsaw, MI (An imaginary community for Parkinsonians in Michigan's Upper Peninsula "A View from the Lighter SIde of PD"