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Order Restored at the Sanctuary. After several days of raucous frivolity and generally boorish behavior by the Parcel Post Pigs of CT, Sanctuary Manager Dudley Dowrong has hired as assistant to restore order and discipline to the Sanctuary: A retired Marine drill instructor (DI) by name Nails Noogan, reported to the Sanctuary yesterday, and, from all reports, just in time. Smoking, drinking Levolagers to excess and passing vial wind, these trouble makers were simply out of control and tarnishing the favorable image of pigs everywhere. Nails Noogan had them out running ten miles before breakfast, and then confined to the holding pens where they were initially processed. No soft beds. No Levolagers. No cigarettes. Most of all, no HBO. Oinking complaints about fears of marauding hoards of razorbacks and boars appearing on the horizon, Nails Noogan calmly explained that the Sanctuary was protected by the fierce Michigan Wolverine, which they knew, and any more unacceptable behavior would result in being assigned to Isle Royale up in Lake Superior for an old fashioned Marine style boot camp, with the drop-outs made into bacon burgers. They were told if they shapeup by Saturday, they could still meet with his eminence Porky Porkinson, and maybe even have a ride on the Fabled Cincy Flying Pigs during the 4th of July Parka-Thon. Last seen, the Previously Pampered Parcel Post Pigs were Pumping Punishing Pushups Projecting Perfect Portraits of Proper Piggery. Amazing what a little discipline will do. With our charges being taught proper behavior by Nails Noogan, and the Wolverines at the ready (they're already in a angry mood over the pig's behavior, and even the Black Bear give them a wide berth), we're now set to receive Porky and his entourage over the week-end. John Bjork The Sanctuary Parkinsaw, MI