 |
 |
The Parkinsaw Chronicles July 16, 1999 This message is being sent to those persons on the list who follow the Parkinsaw, MI saga. Currently, my Internet provider, Netcom, is unable to process incoming messages. I'll tell you, it's really weird to click-on your e-mail machine and get nothing but a blank screen. Nada. Zilch. Tomorrow morning we head north to Parkinsaw, MI country, for about 10 days, sans computer. We'll pass along your best wishes to everyone in town, and the creatures in residence at the Sanctuary. The Wolverines at the Sanctuary are still chuckling over the abortive attack by the Razorbacks. Actually, it was a set-up. Yup, sure was. You see the Fabled Cincy Flying Pigs were on routine air patrol when they spotted the Razorbacks carrying out covert surveillance activity against the Sanctuary. When they passed this EEI on to The Dancer, he immediately ordered one of the craftier Wolverines to take his break at the identical time and place every night, hoping to lure the sneaky, no-good Razorbacks into making a seemingly easy move against the Wolverine. Meanwhile, the Dancer placed the four recently arrived Tasmanian Devils just inside the door on alert, and the trap was set. The ruse worked, Operation Sandbag was a success, and the no-account interlopers were foiled. Those bad boy Razorbacks didn't stop running until they hit Detroit, 430 miles south of Parkinsaw. As an aside, the Razorbacks had such a good time at the Detroit Tiger's game, with their free "Go-Tigers" T-shirt and tiny bats, that apparently they've rented an apartment, gotten jobs at one of the large assembly plants, and have purchased tickets for the remaining games. The Dancer has sent one of his operatives to Detroit to learn more about this turn of events. Will the Razorbacks join with the forces of good against their former masters? Incidentally, there is no truth to the rumor that the Fabled Cincy Flying Pigs are going to be replacing the Frogs in their outstanding TV commercials for Budweiser Beer. What really is going on is that they're negotiating with the Northern Lights micro brewery in Parkinsaw to do a commercial for Levolager beer. "This Lag's for You?" I don't think so. In closing, one more piece of the puzzle fell into place today. The Dancer met with the satanic ritual experts, the Warrens from CT, about the strange circle made with Levolager bottles, and the numbers '666' written in the center. The Warrens explained that this scene was a hoax, and no true Devil worshiper would use Levolager Beer as part of a satanic ritual on account of the Devil, you see, prefers Strohs, and would be really ticked off at those would-be Satanists who insulted his personal choice in beer. Of course the reason is obvious, Strohs is Fire Brewed at two thousand degrees, and the Devil feels more at home. Anyway, the Dancer is convinced that this ritual business was all part of a carefully orchestrated plan to throw us off our guard while the real plan goes forward hoping to catch us off guard on some wild mutant goose chase. Pretty sneaky whoever they are. Well, good people, it's getting to be that time to head the Chevy van north. We'll be back in about 10 days with more news from the world of Parkinsaw, MI. In the meantime, remember not to allow PD to rob you of God's gift of your laughter, smile and sense of humor. Take care. John Bjork