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I have written numerous letters to the list only not to send them.....they all entailled my displeasure at having to skip around silly nonsensical mail that should of been sent person to person instead of through the list since they held no benefit to anyone but the persons to whom they were directed........I chose not to send them because I feel that negativity does not help anyone...and I have seen how all it does is generate bickering about who should be allowed to do what......Yes its a free country.....but how's this for an option.....Those who want to hear about Parkie Pigdom write the author & he make up his own mailing list to send it to.....I hate having Parkinsons......and to have to deal w/it in terms of pig stories brings no comfort to me whatsoever.....Yes, this letter is turning into the negative monster I hoped to avoid.....but it is taking every ounce of me to just to function right now......Im mad....Im 38 years old....soon to be 39...Ive had this lousy disease for ten years......Ive watched it tear my family apart......Ive watched it make me a person I cant control.....a person I hate.....a very ,very scared "thing"......truthfully I dont even feel like a human being......I just had what I consider to be a nervous breakdown....and its to the point where no one in my family cares anymore....they are tired of watching me destroy myself......they tell me to help myself......do they feed their brain w/massive doses of mind-altering chemicals? NO.......do they know what its like to not be able to move w/out popping pills all day long? NO.....All they know is they are tired of listening to me cry......tired of me sleeping when I should be awake......tired of me sitting in front of a computer because sitting is all I can do half the time......I have to find a new neurologist after my dr of 8 yrs is leaving.....I never felt like he helped me anyway.....he started me out on large doses of medicines when I could barely tolerate the minimums.....he knew nothing of treating a 31 yr old woman w/PD......yet he was some comfort having been my dr for so long.....and now I am forced to find a new one...I feel like I am starting all over.....PD is a rollercoaster isnt it Bud......Im tired of riding the rollercoaster....I want a nice carousel instead.....I didnt mean this letter to sound like "poor me"....I am just so tired....scared...and alone.....here comes the hard part.....deciding whether or not to send this........I dont want to but I feel I have to.....I guess its a plea for help.....thanks......