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Nicole; You have indeed taken a big first step. I know how hard it can be, but there is hope. Find a support group near you or go to a Parkinson's chat room and the very least. You will find a lot of love and support there. http://www.newcountry.nu/chat/ As far as the nonsensical goes, its much better to laugh then to cry. Are you actively treating your depression? There is a lot of help for you out there just for the asking. You are not alone, and you do NOT need to feel blue. Prayer is quite helpful too. Charlie 49 DXed 1991, father of 5 Nicole Gall wrote: > I have written numerous letters to the list only not to send them.....they > all entailled my displeasure at having to skip around silly nonsensical mail > that should of been sent person to person instead of through the list since > they held no benefit to anyone but the persons to whom they were > directed........I chose not to send them because I feel that negativity does > not help anyone...and I have seen how all it does is generate bickering about > who should be allowed to do what......Yes its a free country.....but how's > this for an option.....Those who want to hear about Parkie Pigdom write the > author & he make up his own mailing list to send it to.....I hate having > Parkinsons......and to have to deal w/it in terms of pig stories brings no > comfort to me whatsoever.....Yes, this letter is turning into the negative > monster I hoped to avoid.....but it is taking every ounce of me to just to > function right now......Im mad....Im 38 years old....soon to be 39...Ive had > this lousy disease for ten years......Ive watched it tear my family > apart......Ive watched it make me a person I cant control.....a person I > hate.....a very ,very scared "thing"......truthfully I dont even feel like a > human being......I just had what I consider to be a nervous breakdown....and > its to the point where no one in my family cares anymore....they are tired of > watching me destroy myself......they tell me to help myself......do they feed > their brain w/massive doses of mind-altering chemicals? NO.......do they know > what its like to not be able to move w/out popping pills all day long? > NO.....All they know is they are tired of listening to me cry......tired of > me sleeping when I should be awake......tired of me sitting in front of a > computer because sitting is all I can do half the time......I have to find a > new neurologist after my dr of 8 yrs is leaving.....I never felt like he > helped me anyway.....he started me out on large doses of medicines when I > could barely tolerate the minimums.....he knew nothing of treating a 31 yr > old woman w/PD......yet he was some comfort having been my dr for so > long.....and now I am forced to find a new one...I feel like I am starting > all over.....PD is a rollercoaster isnt it Bud......Im tired of riding the > rollercoaster....I want a nice carousel instead.....I didnt mean this letter > to sound like "poor me"....I am just so tired....scared...and alone.....here > comes the hard part.....deciding whether or not to send this........I dont > want to but I feel I have to.....I guess its a plea for help.....thanks......