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Paul Ayers wrote: > > Marie, > I appreciate the thoughts. It is very consuming at this point in my > life. It seems that some of the list members have learned to cope, deal, > accept, and reason with this vicious disease with time. Maybe one day I > too will have the wisdom to deal with it. At this point I think my > serious attitude is simply because of the unknown. I look to the list > to get information, real life information, information from those who > live each day with PD. You can not get this type of information from a > book. Thank God for the list. I think that my response has left the > impression that I do not have a sense of humor. My family read the post > and follow up about Non-Pd and Pd. Their first question was "who are > they talking about, that doesn't have a sense of humor?" Well, I told > them that the post were about my comments, and they all laughed, > thinking that anyone who knows me, knows having a sense of humor is one > of my best traits. I meant no harm to those of you enjoy the humor of > the list. You must understand, you and others have had time to educate > yourselves, time to adjust, and maybe you have forgotten the first > couple of years after diagnosis. Remember when you first found out, the > concerns, fears, the tremendous need for information, the tears, the > family reaction, the peer reaction, the work reaction and the just plain > anger... that is where I am. I appreciate the list, it has been a > God-send. So, please, do not think badly of me, I can only hope that I > too will at some point be able to help others as most of the list posts > have helped me. > Have a great day, I will get better (in understanding) > > Paul Ayers > General Manager > Universal Consulting, Inc > Indianapolis, Indiana > 317-577-1502 > 317-558-1026 > http://www.uciconsult.net > [log in to unmask] Paul, your message is entirely pertinent and valid. yet, as scientists and analysts will, i read from what you wrote that you are not especially versed in the handling of depressions. the first couple of years after diagnosis - as you note - are less for some than others. Bill Harshaw's MY SECOND LIFE is his very pertinent "book" about handling repeated depressing events in his life. his psychic turnaround was a replacement of what had been most important by what became most important. so, i am serious in saying that you are angry that fate dealt you a loss in health. i did much introspection several times in my life. each was a loss of some magnitude. (the gains or succcesses were not as frequent, it seems.) my coping with the diagnosis that was so poorly done: the doctors nearly all do a lousy job of saying: "you have Parkinson's disease. we do not know much about it, but some medicines help reduce the symptoms - we will help you learn how to optimize your medicating. also, there is need of psychological handling of this bad news. it is normal to be depressed when told you have a chronic debility that will progressively worsen. getting help from PWP in a support group should be better available to you than it is, but DO GET HELP and support to learn how others cope and adjust." my introspecting became a book that i felt was a condensation of all i had learned and wanted to pass along to others. it was a frenzied activity that i felt was extremely important. it was some help to me but it's acceptance by those to whom i gave it was less than thrilling. i wrote further two or three more treatises in 1993 and later. i still have about a third of the copies of most of them. i am arguing that there is much to learn from books. i believe that you will do that learning. denial, anger, blaming, and ultimately acceptance are stages of handling depressive events as you probably know. your e-mail signature tells me that you will find it hard to withdraw from succeeding in the fiscal sense. attitude is primary. my favorite poem is invictus. i also like Piet Hein: I'd like to know what this whole show is all about before it's out. -- Ron Vetter 1936, '84 PD dz [log in to unmask] http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter