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hi all At 09:40 1999/08/06 -0500, edward wrote: >Janet: >I fear that these strong words may scare many from contributing. >Indeed they could be perceived as an "attack" on the entire population. >If I, for example, attempted to sell some perceived snake oil to the >members of this list, and you challenged my intentions, that may or >not be in good faith, could your challenge be considered an attack? >Could this reply to your post be considered an attack?... not at all as i have said i am all for robust and frank discussion of most things and i appreciate being questioned or challenged since it makes me think harder i think the key word here is 'personal' using your example i probably would ask you directly what your intentions were and what your purpose was on the list to get pd support or to make sales? that would not qualify as a 'personal' attack although you might feel it an unwelcome question however if i said you were a slimeball for trying to use this list to make sales that would very likely fall under the heading of a 'personal' attack by anyone's definition i see no 'personal' vilification in your post to me you are simply questioning my judgement on some of my actions and sharing your opinions of same; you have not told me i was a stupid git for being so reactionary so, no your reply to my post is not a personal attack in any way shape or form >As caregiver for my mother, this list has been very valuable to me. >I delete many posts based solely on subject. I know that I am at >risk of missing something but I feel that if the discussion is >valuable, it will be repeated... that's your and my and everyone else's prerogative and there is always digging in the archives as a backup >I agree that we should never attack anyone personally, but, what scares me >is that many contributors may take an attack on their content as a personal >attack on them. Then the list owner makes a decision based on a one sided >perception to ban us from the list... understanding the difference between expressing or hearing an opinion of another's behaviour and expressing or hearing an opinion of another's character is a work in progress for most of us i think i think it's even more important to learn to recognize that difference in this medium where we have no visual cues or body language to help us with interpreting communication maybe that's why my 'direct' question technique sometimes is perceived as aggressive as opposed to assertive in my conversation with dennis i added the 'three strikes' idea and also the qualifier 'persists in attacking' i hope that these alterations address your fears as barb said, if you've made it this far, you are probably safe! i think it's a tragic waste of all of our time and energy that the actions of one [in my view at least] person can cause this kind of turmoil here but it has happened and we have to address it as well as we can >This list is great. We have serious discussion, some humor, >sometimes a little flaming, but most of all, it is a functional, >healthy information base that resembles ANY group of humans... absolutely! i agree with you completely and that's where i derived my family analogy years ago >Please don't further divide this list into us users >and those that can make us former users.... that is not my intention at all i know this whole kefuffle issue is upsetting to everyone but i feel strongly about the issue of our obligation to those listmembers under attack we have to keep in mind the source of all this disturbance just think! if the attacks hadn't taken place we'd probably be arguing about background screen colours again! >Like another contributer just wrote, you and I have also exchanged >"attacks" that would have banned both from this list under this >strict criteria. i have very strong feelings about 'private' attacks which i have made abundantly clear recently and also back then this may be an issue to which women are more sensitive than men [hence the 'subtle' allusion in the title of my message] thanks, edward janet ps i wonder how many female listmembers vs male listmembers feel my words were 'too strong' ??? janet paterson 52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset snail-mail: PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada website: a new voice <http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/> e-mail: <[log in to unmask]>