 |
 |
> ---------- > From: janet paterson[SMTP:[log in to unmask]] > Sent: Friday, August 06, 1999 12:43 PM > Subject: Re: steeee-rike one / amendment / hospitality / obligation > > > > >Some of it has been very good that I have received. I have > >found the best way to respond to attacks is to totally ignore > >it. I don't give the attacker the satisfaction of a response. > >"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never > >hurt me!" It's his or her problem, not mine. If we have this > >attitude and don't go on the defensive every time we think > >someone is messing with the chip on our shoulder (we all have > >one or two), the world would be a much better place. Some people > >just like to argue for the sake of arguing, but not being very > >good at debate, they fall back on attacking the other debater... > > that is very good general advice, darwin, > except that this list is not meant to be a 'public' forum > No where did I even allude to this being a public forum. > for example > no-one can obtain a list of members and their addresses > except the owners > But anyone can make up a partial list just from the posters. > someone who feels vulnerable and in pain > and who comes here for support and solace at our open door invitation > deserves a bit more assurance of privacy from the outside world > don't you think? > I've been rethinking my stance a little in this area. I can best illustrate it with an example. Our oldest son was as hard headed as a rock. There was very little we could do to change his mind if he had it set on something. Kinda like you, Janet (ducking!). Our two years younger number two son wore his feelings on his sleeve and could easily be brought to tears for what most of us would consider an insignificant reason, especially by his hard headed older brother. (Like a few on the list who jump at suspecting they are being attacked when we are only disagreeing with them.) Number three son (four years younger than number two - the blessed result of a camping trip) took on the best qualities of his older brothers and found a very good balance. He was our super kid. Like most people on the list. All three have grown into fine young men with happy marriages, good careers, and adjusted lives. They still and will always exhibit these basic personality characteristics, however. > >I disagree that if I feel I have been attacked, then I have been > >attacked. That assumes that I will always interpret the words in > >the way intended, and all of you know that there are misunderstandings > >and the same statement can mean one thing to one person and another > >to another... > > i know, and i appreciate that > > there is definitely a feminist slant to my view on this subject > based on rape and sexual harrassment issues > > in a situation like this > i would hope that the 'three strikes' concept > would narrow the field considerably, no? > viz: > if you write to me "whatever" > and i write back and say stop it > and you write to me again > and i write back to you and say stop it again > and you write to me again... > > at that point > could we not agree that the sender is committing an offense > regardless of the content of the "whatever" message? > Yes, but my slant is not to respond with a "Stop it!" in the first place. In most all instances that will be the last you will hear of the matter. People usually won't let up when they know where your goat is tied. They know right where to go to get it. > >It also assumes that we are always of sound mind, > >but I won't go there! > > very very wise of you, i'm sure! > > > janet > those dishes just keep piling up > > janet paterson > 52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset > snail-mail: PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada > website: a new voice <http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/> > e-mail: <[log in to unmask]> >