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hi all At 16:03 1999/08/06 -0500, darwin wrote, in part: >...No where did I even allude to this being a public forum... you didn't i interpolated and extrapolated 'public' from 'general' which was my own opinion anyway >> someone who feels vulnerable and in pain >> and who comes here for support and solace at our open door invitation >> deserves a bit more assurance of privacy from the outside world >> don't you think? > >I've been rethinking my stance a little in this area. I can best >illustrate it with an example. Our oldest son was as hard headed >as a rock. There was very little we could do to change his mind >if he had it set on something. Kinda like you, Janet (ducking!). > >Our two years younger number two son wore his feelings on his >sleeve and could easily be brought to tears for what most of us >would consider an insignificant reason, especially by his hard >headed older brother. (Like a few on the list who jump at suspecting >they are being attacked when we are only disagreeing with them.) > >Number three son (four years younger than number two - the blessed >result of a camping trip) took on the best qualities of his older >brothers and found a very good balance. He was our super kid. Like >most people on the list. > >All three have grown into fine young men with happy marriages, good >careers, and adjusted lives. They still and will always exhibit >these basic personality characteristics, however. so are you saying that there's no point in trying to 'shelter' anyone - that if they tend to feel hurt that they will always feel that way? or am i not understanding your point here? >> could we not agree that the sender is committing an offense >> regardless of the content of the "whatever" message? >> >Yes, but my slant is not to respond with a "Stop it!" in the first >place. In most all instances that will be the last you will hear of >the matter. People usually won't let up when they know where your >goat is tied. They know right where to go to get it... i love this metaphor! and i know the essential truth in it as well otherwise known as 'knowing how to push your buttons' i think our [bp and me] experience of the past four years with this particular individual has had a great deal to do with our heated reaction and still does who needs to write any 'rules' at all if there are no, dare i say it, 'trouble-makers' ? maybe [or rather likely] writing rules will have no effect here either i don't feel good about someone deliberately setting out to hurt someone else, or manipulate a situation or to 'push someone's buttons' if the recipient of such attention is a listmember [i identified with carole's shock and dismay] i tend to feel responsible [and not just as a new list co-owner - i would have felt just as upset as a 'regular' listmember who cherishes this place] my initial private advice to carole was 'don't waste too many of your neurotransmitters on this' i think i'll go do some dishes... janet janet paterson 52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset snail-mail: PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada website: a new voice <http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/> e-mail: <[log in to unmask]>