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A GUY'S TEST Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives by reviewing this material. 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced socieety visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth. You decide to: A. Present it to the President of the United States B. Present it to the Secretary Genera of the United Nations C. Take it apart. 2. When is it okay to kiss another male? A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips) C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 3. What about hugging another male? A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease. B. If you are performing CPR C. If you are a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that: (l) he is legally within the base path, (2) both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and (3) you pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures. 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: A. A cat. B. A dog. C. A dog that eats cats. 5. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feelling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is: A. "Do they need to eat or anything?" B. They're in school already?" C. "There are threre of them?" 6. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most? A. Innocence B. Idealism C. Cherry Bombs 7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy--you're watching a football game; she is reading the papers--when she suddenly, out of the clear bue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say? A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you will be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. C. That you cannot believe the Cowboys called a draw play on third and seventeen. 8. What is the human race's single greatest achievement? A. Democracy. B. Religion C. Remote control.