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Oh Margie...  Reading your message reminded me of the old, "Cheer
up - things could be worse.  So I cheered up, and sure enough -
things DID get worse!" <rueful smile>

Someday I'll share MY "lavender maid-of-honor-dress story <it was
SUCH an ugly dress that Sharon Stone or Cher woulda looked awful
in it!) with you and we can both laugh and cry together.

Sending a buncha love your way...

Barb Mallut
[log in to unmask]

-----Original Message-----
From: Dick Swindler <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Wednesday, August 18, 1999 1:50 PM
Subject: Re: Leaving the list - One thousand stories.... (Long -
skip if you want)


>Janice and Bob and others -
>
>You have just put into words what I was trying to think how to
say - that is,
>every one of us on the list is dealing with the stresses of PD
plus all the
>other ordinary stresses of life every day.  I thought to myself
that each of
>us has a personal story to tell, and, if the truth were known,
there are days
>each of us is able to "go with the flow," and other days we're
stressed out
>by other things in our lives, including or especially PD, and may
tend to
>overreact to something someone has written.
>
>For example, although I'm not the PWP in our family, I'm sleeping
each night
>on the edge of the bed waiting for another "vivid dream" to make
my husband -
>obviously bigger and stronger than I am - to decide in his sleep
that I'm the
>enemy and kick, thrash, and flail, sometimes landing a good
punch!  There are
>nights I can't wake him up right away, and it's frightening.  It
also doesn't
>leave me particularly well-rested or resilient in the mornings.
I've read
>that vivid dreams progress to dementia and hallucinations, so
although I try
>to live for today, there's that worry creeping in around the
edges.  Add to
>that the nights he gets up to go to the bathroom (thank goodness
he still
>can!) and wanders around lost until he wakes me up.  Top it off
with a vivid
>dream the other night, accompanied by a scream, that woke our
grandchildren
>in the next room, and led them both screaming and crying into our
bed.  Does
>he remember any of this in the mornings?  No!  And those are just
the nights!
> <grin>
>
>Add to that the fact that our son is getting married in a couple
of weeks,
>the bride-to-be wants me to dress in just a particular shade of
lavender, and
>I shopped everywhere I could think of for that color -
discovering that I'm
>so many pounds heavier than I used to be that nothing looked
good, and when I
>was restricted to that particular color, besides, it was a
horrible
>experience.  I settled on an unflattering dress that fit the
color
>requirement, brought it home, tossed it on the floor, and kicked
it into a
>corner!  However, me, I'm quite calm and unstressed these days!
<grin>  And
>I won't even go into the impossibility of finding my
granddaughter a flower
>girl dress in that color, too!
>
>Sorry for going on so long, but what I'm trying to say is I'm
confident that
>each and everyone of us on this list has stresses and counts on
this list for
>support to help us through these times.  And each of us, I know,
is trying to
>do the best he/she can to help other PWP by giving comfort,
support, and
>hope, and also further the research toward the cure.  Not one of
us means to
>hurt another, yet we somehow do.
>
>I guess we should consider that maybe we, as a group, suffered
more from the
>recent disagreements about what was appropriate on the list than
we realized,
>and I think we're all still a little "tender" and "bruised,"
perhaps.  I, for
>one, want to apologize to anyone I've hurt, when I meant only to
help or
>educate or clarify - I've learned it's easier to do that if I
don't start out
>with one or both feet in my mouth.  Strange how often I don't
realize where
>my feet are until it's pointed out to me!
>
>Anyway, to paraphrase the old TV show, "There are a thousand
stories in
>Parkinson City." I hope we can remember that however hard it is
for each of
>us, others are suffering in their own unique and similar ways, so
perhaps we
>have less resilience than others. I'm going to try to be less
sensitive and
>easily hurt (no matter how little sleep I've had), and will try
especially
>hard to think before I write!
>
> Is it possible that it has just been a long, hot summer?
>
>I can say that each one who leaves will be a loss to the list,
but I can't
>say that I will stick around much longer myself.  I can't deal
with the
>arguing among those I need and count on the most when it seems
that no one
>else - friends, family - understands what it's like to live the
life we lead,
>either as PWP or with PWP.  I'm going to think about it for a few
days and
>then decide.
>
>Warm regard to all our fellow listmembers, and thanks for being
there when we
>needed you for the past couple of years.
>
>Margie Swindler      cg Dick, 54/17