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Janice and Bob and others -

You have just put into words what I was trying to think how to say - that is,
every one of us on the list is dealing with the stresses of PD plus all the
other ordinary stresses of life every day.  I thought to myself that each of
us has a personal story to tell, and, if the truth were known, there are days
each of us is able to "go with the flow," and other days we're stressed out
by other things in our lives, including or especially PD, and may tend to
overreact to something someone has written.

For example, although I'm not the PWP in our family, I'm sleeping each night
on the edge of the bed waiting for another "vivid dream" to make my husband -
obviously bigger and stronger than I am - to decide in his sleep that I'm the
enemy and kick, thrash, and flail, sometimes landing a good punch!  There are
nights I can't wake him up right away, and it's frightening.  It also doesn't
leave me particularly well-rested or resilient in the mornings.   I've read
that vivid dreams progress to dementia and hallucinations, so although I try
to live for today, there's that worry creeping in around the edges.  Add to
that the nights he gets up to go to the bathroom (thank goodness he still
can!) and wanders around lost until he wakes me up.  Top it off with a vivid
dream the other night, accompanied by a scream, that woke our grandchildren
in the next room, and led them both screaming and crying into our bed.  Does
he remember any of this in the mornings?  No!  And those are just the nights!
 <grin>

Add to that the fact that our son is getting married in a couple of weeks,
the bride-to-be wants me to dress in just a particular shade of lavender, and
I shopped everywhere I could think of for that color - discovering that I'm
so many pounds heavier than I used to be that nothing looked good, and when I
was restricted to that particular color, besides, it was a horrible
experience.  I settled on an unflattering dress that fit the color
requirement, brought it home, tossed it on the floor, and kicked it into a
corner!  However, me, I'm quite calm and unstressed these days!  <grin>  And
I won't even go into the impossibility of finding my granddaughter a flower
girl dress in that color, too!

Sorry for going on so long, but what I'm trying to say is I'm confident that
each and everyone of us on this list has stresses and counts on this list for
support to help us through these times.  And each of us, I know, is trying to
do the best he/she can to help other PWP by giving comfort, support, and
hope, and also further the research toward the cure.  Not one of us means to
hurt another, yet we somehow do.

I guess we should consider that maybe we, as a group, suffered more from the
recent disagreements about what was appropriate on the list than we realized,
and I think we're all still a little "tender" and "bruised," perhaps.  I, for
one, want to apologize to anyone I've hurt, when I meant only to help or
educate or clarify - I've learned it's easier to do that if I don't start out
with one or both feet in my mouth.  Strange how often I don't realize where
my feet are until it's pointed out to me!

Anyway, to paraphrase the old TV show, "There are a thousand stories in
Parkinson City." I hope we can remember that however hard it is for each of
us, others are suffering in their own unique and similar ways, so perhaps we
have less resilience than others. I'm going to try to be less sensitive and
easily hurt (no matter how little sleep I've had), and will try especially
hard to think before I write!

 Is it possible that it has just been a long, hot summer?

I can say that each one who leaves will be a loss to the list, but I can't
say that I will stick around much longer myself.  I can't deal with the
arguing among those I need and count on the most when it seems that no one
else - friends, family - understands what it's like to live the life we lead,
either as PWP or with PWP.  I'm going to think about it for a few days and
then decide.

Warm regard to all our fellow listmembers, and thanks for being there when we
needed you for the past couple of years.

Margie Swindler      cg Dick, 54/17