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Good morning: I visited my brother, Sherman, yesterday. He is doing fine. But my sister and I had to visit the administrator of the nursing home he is currently in. (A brief history) In June, Sherman, 73/8, returned to our hometown after two years out of state and entered a care facility. He doing so well that the Doctor has him on 6 mo. appointment schedule. But, with PD and a history of alcohol abuse, Sherman does have some impairment in his reasoning skills. He is not capable of living alone, which he of course wants to do. He is also indigent. My sister did all the paper work to get him on assistance so he would be in the care facility and not on the street). Enough history. Last Monday as my sister was pulling into the driveway of the facility, she saw Sherman trying to get into a car with a stranger, a 30ish woman. The woman was very unkempt and in a "wreck of a car". My sister, ask Sherman were he was going. He said "with my niece Cindy". Sherman does NOT have a niece Cindy. He was taken out overnight. My sister went inside and found that the woman had signed Sherman out as as being his niece. This is what Sherman told my sister. A young nurse in the facility has told him that he does not belong in the facility. He should be out living in HER house. The nurse lives with her two children and mother and does not have a room for Sherman. But she said that he could live there for less than in the facility and he would have some money. (We are not talking large sums here, he has only Social Security and welfare). The trip overnight was to show him her home. He said he had five drinks. The Cindy that picked him up was a friend of the nurse. Now Sherman is trying to figure out how he can move in with her and get out of the facility. He doesn't want to be there. I don't blame him for that. I don't want him to be there either, but I don't want him dying in the street drunk. As soon as he has money he will drink. Welfare now cares for all his needs and my sister and I furnish the candy, phone cards, etc. So that is the story. What do you think. My sister stewed about it since Monday. She, nor I, wanted to break Sherman's confidence, but how many times have we told our children "its for your own good". We thought of confronting the nurse to explain Sherman does need to be there. But we decided we should tell the administrator. She was appalled! She will take care of the situation. The administrator said that she had had complaints about a nurse that was spending too much time in my brother's room. She was planning to talk to the nurse about that anyway. If Sherman leaves the facility he will lose his welfare benefits and would not be able to get back into the state health care system. He children for varies reason refuse to help. My sister and I do as much as we can to make this easier, but can not take over his care. My question to PWP, Caregivers, and whomever, is did we do the right thing in telling the administrator, breaking Sherman's confidences. Chris PS: Sherman said the nurse told his he was "cute" and kissed him on the cheek. He was thrilled. What is it about you old codgers that make you believe anything a sweet young things coos to you? ;·)