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 This poem was written during a short period of time in early 1997 when I
was very depressed.  I am posting it to the list in the hope that list
members will find it either interesting, useful or both

Bill Harshaw
August 25, 1999

"Long Night' Journey ..."

‘Long night's journey into day' is more
Than a peurile inversion; it describes my
Tuning night into day despite the turquoise
Ovals which should bring sleep.

I lie in my bed ad cannot control the sobs
And the concomitant tears flowing from my
Brain.  I am on a journey similar to the
Exploration in Little Gidding.

Neurosurgery gave me a second chance at life and
An altered personality too - nuanced coruscations
and diminutions of facets that were always there.
Only now I must come to terms with them.

I may not like what I fnd in the labyrinth of
My mind.  No matter.  Diligent effort can, over time,
Alter neural pathwaysand thought patterns.
Will the result be pleasing?  Only God knows.

‘Know the place for the first time ‘ is my
Objective.  To facilitate the comprehension
Of my unconscios, I must dig deep, opening
Collapsed adits and exanining abandoned drifts

There can be no plan because of the structure of
Inference.  But time cannot be wasted as minds
And bodies are at risk while they wait ‘for the
End of all my exploration'; the end of my terror.

Once my mind fixes on an idea, it does not let
Go.  ‘Eye on he ball' is fine in a game, when you're
Part of a team.  On my own, without perspective, it
Has all the arrogance of knowing the mind of God.


A goal or objective relentlessly pursued becomes
Tunnel vision, one dimensional; waiting for the light
At the end.  Is it approaching or stationary?  Difficult
Question without persecive and horizon.

The narrower the horizon, the broader the view.
Yet the whole mis en scene is focssed - fore and background,
Stage right and left.  Hear all the cast, pick up
Nuances.  Know all the subtlety and shading.

Appreciate consequences of actions and relationships;
Neither frighten nor scare;
Integrate experience and humanity
And become a whole person.