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> A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road > and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'm, is there a reason > that you're weaving all over the road"? > > The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! > I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree > right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another > tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another > tree in front of me!" > > Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer > replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener." > > - - - - - - - - - - > LONG AWAITED BRUNETTE JOKES - Well, the blondes finally > got together and got back at the brunettes. Here's their revenge: > > WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? > A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. > > WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE? > Brown-bagging it. > > WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? > No one else wants it. > > WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS? > So brunettes can remember them. > > WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? > Invisible. > > WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL? > "Has the blonde left yet? " > > WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES? > The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable. > > WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR? > When was the last time you saw a blonde witch? > > WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? > The invitation > > WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? > A hostage > > WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? > Fisher-Price > > WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR? > It matches their mustache. > - - - - - - - - - - - > A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he > arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had > forgotten his false teeth. > > Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." > > The man said, "No problem." > > He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try > these," he said. > > The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. > > The man then said, "I have another pair - try these." > > The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." > > The man was not taken back at all. > > He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them." > > The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." > > With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting > was > over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. > > "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been > looking for a good dentist." > > The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." > - - - - - - - - > Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely > evening, the husband was met at the door by his > sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the > druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the > phone." > > Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the > druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more > than a word or two, the druggist told him, > "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This > morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting > up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, > but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both > house and car keys inside. I had to break a window > to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding > ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a > flat tire. > When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of > people waiting for me to open up. I got the store > opened and started waiting on these people, and all > the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. > > Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash > register drawer to make change, and they spilled all > over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to > pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I > came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, > which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch > of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and > broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I > finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she > wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. > Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!" > > >