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Don, you wrote: >you know what hurts me is i could not go to the PD walk or go to the sentient hearings. or go on a vac. hear how alot that do things. this is the first time i ever had help with cutting my grass. how can i tell PWP'S do some of their own work. i am tiered of mom and my daughters saying dad look at your age and how advanced you are with your PD. heck i am not that old.< it hurts in our pride in independence loss. this loss of physical capability in doing what we used to do is hard to accept .. feeling useless is not the place to dwell. we can borrow more trouble from thinking about the future .. especially when we are exasperated about not being of much use in the present time! mood is our main chore perhaps. keeping my mood positive is not easy. not many say that considering how old i am helps feeling useless. IT DOES NOT HELP it is an excuse that you and i do not pass along. we know feeling old is NOT worth a damn. but, what else can i do? i will brag a little. i have changed to curtail saying "Dammit" less. when you do not say dammit to your self any more, that is helping your self accept this damnable loss of capability. we can fight our persistence (that is the positive way to "see" stubborn, bullheadedness which can have a bad connotation) by following the philosophy of accepting our lot from chance like the poorly treated Job in the old testament. Keep on telling those with ailments ( i talk to my self, too) to change slowly by doing what they can still do. turtles live a long time so they can get somewhere. old motor parts need to be driven longer to get to the same place as the fast young bodies. i excuse my self from doing less by deciding i can only do so much. i amglad to see you are writing how you feel. write how Vivian feels too. the daughters do not know exactly how the mother feels ... and the father feels not the same as the mother ... nor the wife. male culture and anatomy including brain is different than female. cutting your grass is not important unless you let it stand as a measure of your worth. Old wise ones no longer work. we PLAY! become childish learn to play all day ... IS BEST MEDICINE! -- Ron Vetter 1936, '84 PD dz mailto:[log in to unmask] http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter