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Tex, good advice for all of us. [log in to unmask] ----- Original Message ----- From: double a <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: Thursday, September 30, 1999 5:44 PM Subject: Don, please read this > Don, > I understand both your frustrations and your pain in watching someone else > do something you love to do, and having to hear someone tell you "it's for > your own good" > >From the time I was 14 until I turned 21, Don I was in a rodeo 2 or 3 nights > each week, every week, regardless of what was broken or whatever else I had > going on - rodeo was my hobby, it gave me extra spending money, and it was a > large part of my identity. As I broke different body parts and became unable > to do one event, I was just switching to other events I could still > participate at. However, it finally got to the point I was literally risking > life and limb to compete and I had to stop.. Thats been nearly 20 years ago, > and I still can't watch rodeo for enjoyment - my enjoyment wasn't in the > watching, it was in the doing. > When I quit rodeoing, I began to raise and train my own horses, and while > it wasn't the same, it was a challenge, and it was close to the same > activities, and I grew to love it also. For the next 18 yrs, I raised my own > babies, trained them, showed them, or sold them to others to show, and I > took a lot of pleasure in the quiet reputation I built up - a horse trained > at double a would be a good one who would do exactly what we told them it > would do... and then my body began to quit on me again, and now my family is > telling me you don;t need to be doing that anymore, you are too old or too > sick etc., or they are "helping me" by doing parts of the training I loved > to do. And it does hurt to see someone else doing "my job". My wife > recently told a marriage councilor that she just wanted to help me, she > needed to help me, and to keep me from falling. Its hard to accept that she > has a need to help, when I really don't always want her help, even thought I > usually need her help. As I told her, there are sometimes when its better > to let me fall, then help me up, than to keep me from falling, and making me > feel like a failure. > I am telling you all this so you will understand that I DO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE > FEELING. Now, having said that, when I look at things from my family's point > of view, I have to admit they have needs too, and some of their needs are to > make life as easy as they can for me. I feel sure that is part of what > Vivian and the girls are trying to do for you. And if we are honest with > ourselves, we can't do as much as we use to do - the spirit may be willing, > but the body just wont's work like it use to. > My suggestion for you may or may not work, but maybe this will give you some > ideas to think of on your own. From what you have said, you love to work > outside, but that is getting harder. Can you start some indoor houseplants, > or a raised garden, or maybe start growing some transplants, and then > letting someone else plant them in the yard for you? From the letters I have > seen you writing lately, I suspect you are spending lots of time thinking > about all the things you can't do anymore, and that is OK but it doesn't do > much to make us happy. How about you and I visiting and trying to think of > some things you can do which might make you and Vivian happy. My email is > [log in to unmask], my home phone is 409-563-4049, and my icq is36197573. > lets visit and see if we can't kick the blues a little further away. I > evidently don't have Parkinson's disease, just the appearance of Parkinson's > with something else causing the damage, but I still get a lot form the list, > and I dont want to give up all my friends I've made here. Please get in > touch with me, and we will cheer each other up, OK? > Tex