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I don't think the truth is harmful, it is denial that kills up. Nita Andres

Chris Campbell wrote:

> Hello everyone:
>
> I am back for more advise.
>
> Recap: My brother Sherman (73/8) is in a care facility, indigent, and
> has some dementia. He is a sober alcoholic. He still wants to drink. I
> believe he is in Stage 3+ or 4 of PD, unable to care for himself. He has
> only social security for an income.  In the facility he is entitled to
> Medicaid, so all of his medical needs are taken care of.  If he leaves
> he will not be eligible for Medicaid.  My sister and I try to provide
> the personal necessities.
>
> He is very unhappy in the facility and wants to leave. However, he has
> no where to go and no money to go on.  (My sister are both unable to
> take him in, and he really is at the stage even a loving wife would not
> be able to care for him).
>
> My sister and I have worked very hard at getting him to stay, at least
> one more month, about three times now.  He is not thinking rationally.
> He thinks because he feels 30 in his head, (don't we all), he doesn't
> understand why he shouldn't leave the facility.
>
> Now for what I did to him.  I have tried to explain PD to him.  But my
> sister and I both have tried to smooth over PD so as not to worry or
> upset him.  So in order for him to accept that he must stay I gave him a
> printout of PD and all its stages and prognosis.  I just felt he had to
> get in touch with the reality of his situation.  If he leaves he will
> fall in the gutter and not get up.  I don't want that for my brother.
> So, I tried the tough love approach.
>
> I read the list every day and know all of you have faced what your
> future is.  Shouldn't Sherman know what is happening to him.  Or should
> we just let him go? Was it wrong of me to lay the terrible future out in
> front of him?
>
> What should we do to help our Brother?
>
> Chris