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Dear Camilla, and LIST, I will answer your questions, briefly, Camilla. Can you please wait till tomorrow for me to respond? I must say, I am sorry you asked me so MANY questions, because I really am tired, and don't want to occupy the LIST with too much "Ivan". But, in the hopes of winning you over, I will do it for you, when I have more energy. There is something you mentioned, "homophobia." Let me talk to ALL the List members about this , in a larger context-I am also Jewish. I am just as proud to be Jewish as to be gay -and Maine is a Christian and very anti-gay world, for the most part. Probably I've got Jewish persecution memories--but why ME?? I am not from Maine, so people are reluctant to get too involved. Homo- phobia affects my family , and it is tragic, because I am indeed a Jewish man, not only a homosexual man, ever since my childhood. I have been made"gay by God, not by choice." There are HUGE fears of gay men here, even gently aging "queens" like me. . Once that comes out, people RUN. I DO NOT have HIV. But if I did, there would be at least federal grants and all kinds of social workers and organizations to help me. With worsening Young Onset Parkinson's, I am losing hope of a solution. It ALSO isolates me. Steve Schwartz said it to me on the phone: Ivan, you're gay, Jewish and you are a PWP--no wonder you are having a hard time! I am devoted to my PD community, and believe in including ALL. I wish a few more gay men who are PWP's would reveal themselves to our LIst!! I would be safer in numbers. THere are at least 2 extraordinary gay women and at least one extraordinary gay man on our PD List who are remarkable contributors to our PD community. I wish that they would "come out", and then, I bet you that our community would be more able to feel comfortable with me. And of course, homophobic attacks- I have been spat upon, deserted, and even lost my home to fire- and caregivers can be HELL for me to survive, are another BIG factor. There was a woman here three weeks ago, and when she refused to drive me to the church where my (gay) men's chorus performed,and than announced that she was going to "exorcize me", I had to ask her to stop, or to leave. She left. Bigotry is EVERYEHERE. I spent half the night on the phone talkingto Hilary BLue and MaryHElen Davila, just to survive alone. And TONS of prayers. When you stumble or your voice slurs, a PWP can EASILY be mistaken for drunk or drug-addicted. I neither drink, nor use drugs. So there is another HUGE factor in the way I am treated by unsymmpathetic people-like Portland's City lawyers. Especially on worn-out speaker phones. God Bless, Ivan