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Rita, i did put my mother in a nursing home, since I live 250 miles away. she had had multiple small strokes (TIAs) and was difficult to handle at home - also expensive. We had 24 hour home care but after a while you can no longer afford.it. She was angry, then became used to it and actually enjoyed being there. She got what she needed and I wish now that I had done it earlier. She has since died at 89 , well cared for. It true that many people do not go see their loved ones in a home, I drove or flew and then drove a short distance there very often. I was told by the staff that I got there more often than relatives who lived about 4 miles away. Shameful. If people in nursing homes see their loved ones often they keep their orientation Or regain it. We sometimes do the wrong thing by trying to do the " right one" Elders need to see their loved one anytime, at home or in a NH. Nita Camilla Flintermann wrote: > Oh Rita-- you have said what needs to be said so well--I'm sending it again > here in case anyone missed it, and also fwdg to CARE, since a few CGs don't > read PIEN and we all need to hear this. > Thank you, thank you, thank you! > Camilla > > Rita wrote: > >Every few weeks someone posts a "do not put them/me in a nursing home" plea > >or tale. "I promised him/her I never would"......"I don't want to go"...." I > >feel so guilty..." > > > >If you want to keep the patient at home.....if you want your family to devote > >24 hours a day to your care.......if you want your friends to take care of > >you......that is great. Please do provide the care at home. > > > >However, "until you have walked in someone else's shoes"......please > >remember.... > >and respect others for the decision to pay for a nursing home facility/staff. > > For some people, at home care with dementia is not a choice. For some > >people, physical responsibility of a loved one 24 hours a day is not a > >choice. Some nursing homes have wonderful facilities, wonderful staff and > >wonderful patients. Some nursing home patients are not visited by family > >every day.......some patients have no family within 500 miles of the nursing > >home. Some families have more members requiring care than the person in the > >nursing home. Some patients in nursing homes would not want their family > >members to take care of their physical needs. Some nursing homes CAN deal > >with the schedule for Parkinson medications. > > > >Nursing home patients do have the freedom to move, think, speak.....they are > >warm, fed, clean and safe. They are loved. > > > >There are as many reasons and excuses for keeping a patient at home as there > >are reasons and excuses for putting a person in a nursing home. Please learn > >to respect those choices. > > > >Each of us will have to deal with the caring and/or dying of a loved one at > >some time in our own lives........families change, needs change, environments > >change and challenges change from day to day. > > > >Please do not make the promise to any family member "never to put you there". > >Please do not make family members promise "to keep me at home". > >Please do not criticize families who do chose to utilize nursing home care. > >Please do not feel guilty if you are one who makes the decision to provide nh > >care. > > > >Respect and love yourself and your family... > > > >Rita Weeks, 55/10