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-----Original Message----- From: Camilla Flintermann <[log in to unmask]> To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]> Date: Wednesday, December 08, 1999 9:13 AM Subject: Im the "Couch" article Guy - Greg Wasson >Dear CAREfriends-- another lovely and insightful piece from the author of >"Don't Help the Burglar Steal the Couch"---he's a PWP, and this is worth >reading! > >SHARON: please fwd this also to PIEN for me ? Thanks. >******* > >>Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 02:36:32 -0800 >>From: Greg Wasson <[log in to unmask]> >>Subject: Im the "Couch" article Guy - Greg Wasson > >>Mrs. Flinterman, >>Hi. I'm Greg Wasson, the fellow who posted the "Burgler" article. >>I don't know too much about the listserv, but I know it reaches many. >>Thanks for taking the time to put my post from the MGH forum on the >>server where it may do some good for a PWP or caregiver who would >>otherwise not have seen it. A friend sent me a copy from the server, >>which led me here. I was surprised but pleased that it was floating >>around in cyberspace. >>After reading about your family and your poetry (I especially liked the >>marriage poem - I'm 48 in a few days and my wife is 41) , I thought I'd >>leave an earlier article I posted about my nephew T.J. in Babylon NY, >>where much of my wife's family lives, and what PD has taught me about >>frustration and ways of dealing with it. Thanks for allowing me to >>visit. >> >>Best wishes from Oakland, CA. >>Greg >>-------------------------- >> >>Lessons about PD, Toddlers, and Tantrums >> >>Tonight my soon to be 2 yr old nephew, whom I have met twice, had a >>meltdown. It was the kind of desperately unhappy, seemingly nothing can >>soothe anger at the world that comes from a day too long, the nap not >>taken, too much excitment. Too tired, too soon. >> >>After he had flung himself onto the floor and was flailing and wailing as >>his parents were trying to to get him ready to go out to dinner, I sat >>down beside him on the floor and just said nothing for a while. I >>was just there, quiet. In a minute or two while he was still inconsolable >>I started >>talking to him in a very soft low voice. Although I was talking about how >>he must be feeling, I'm sure it was only the sound of my voice and not the >>words that he understood. >> >>After little while longer I gave him an occasional light poke on his >>belly, enough to be playful but not so's he'd think I was trying to >>accomplish anything as we adults have to sometimes with a kid who at >>that moment is on our schedule, like it it or not. It was just touch, >>slightly playful. >> >>To make a long story shorter, he began to look at me intently as I >>continued to talk. Then he began to relax his muscles, stop crying and >>became still. I kept on talking and then smiling as I got a smile from >>the belly pokes. >> >>Eventually I suggested that we get up and go out with his mom and dad to >>the car for the drive to dinner. He got up, indicated he wanted my hand (a >>first) and we headed to the car. >> >>I think the reason I got to that generally sweet natured boy is because Pd >>has brought me to that same spot so often lately. And when I feel that >>combination of exhaustion, frustration, and anger, it feeds itself like a >>child's tantrum and no amount of reasoning is likely to bring me out of >>it. At those times I need what that toddler needed. Someone to BE with me >>quietly, and transfer some of their peace to me by their simple presence >>and understanding without expectation or coaxing, until enough >>of the anger and frustration, which I, as he, clearly really do not want >>to feel, has floated away on the wings of the other person's peace. The >>other person's emotional centeredness gets wafted over to me and I begin >>to feel centered again, even though I am still tired and the day has still >>been too long. Then I can accept overt comfort and coaxing. Then I can >>cry. Then I can take another's hand and express my appreciation for taking >>me from a spot I really didn't want to be in, no matter how justified I >>felt. The catharsis really comes after the anger melts into tears as I am >>enfolded in another arms or words. >> >>So PD has taught me how to behave like a two-year old, but also to >>understand what the two-year old inside of many of us with Pd need to >>bring us back to the sweetness and tenderness of the world for awhile. >> >>Everybody have a good Thanksgiving. See you in the funny papers. >>Greg >