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Rules of Christmas Cracker Useage and Deployment [Amended Dec 1999]
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1. all Crackers to be distributed and displayed elegantly
as part of the celebratory dinner table place settings
2. poppin Crackers takes place after y'all sit down
and afore any food appears
sounds like 'keep the hungry animules amused'
but no - even the cooks have to sit down
and participate at The Same Time
3. you Have to share poppin repsonsibilities
with a next door neighbour at the table
no cheatin by pullin the Snap directly
you have to prove your skill and your strength
by holdin the Cracker at the pinched spot reeeeeeel tight
and then pullin against your neighbour
any flying debris to be returned to
appropriate Cracker owner forthwith
4. you Have to remember which Cracker is yours
you Have to wear the Hat
no cheatin
no whinin about colours or fit
most groups include at least one individual
skilled at custom paper Hat fittage
5. you all Have to take turns readin the Mottos out loud
no, i don't know why they're called Mottos
just do it
there should be a respectful silence
from the cheap seats while each Motto is read
or at least until the last syllable is uttered
6. you Have to demonstrate your Novelty
to everyone else to the best of your ability
no, i don't know why they're called Novelties
just do it
others are to display proper respect and admiration
during such demonstrations
7. Hats are to remain in place throughout dinner
no exceptions
8. bartering in re Novelties and their ownership is permitted
only if carried out with suitable decorum
9. if, and only if, the above rules are followed properly,
instruction may be allowed, if suitable instructors are available,
in How To Hang a Teaspoon From One's Nose
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janet paterson aka jannie magnolia 26 january 1997
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janet paterson
52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/
613 256 8340 po box 171 almonte ontario canada k0a 1a0
