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Was this supposed to be funny Janet????? http://members.teleweb.at/bernard.shaw/poetry.html [log in to unmask] If your face wants to smile let it. If not, Make it. ----- Original Message ----- From: "janet paterson" <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: 20 December 1999 16:13 Subject: Virus Alert > Virus Alert > > If you receive an email entitled "Fighting Canaries," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. > > It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. > > It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards. > > It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. > > It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk freezes. > > It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. > > This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. > > It will drink all your sodas. > > It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. > > Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. > > It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing the rendezvous to your Visa card. > > It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. > > It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. > > It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. > > If the message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. > > It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. > > It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. > > It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles. > > It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. > > These are just a few signs of infection. > > janet paterson > 52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset > http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/ > 613 256 8340 po box 171 almonte ontario canada k0a 1a0 >