I agree, being a caregiver can be very stressful.....I love my hubby dearly
and he is doing pretty well...but I would never leave him alone for very
long...a few hours maybe...he is 70 and has pd for 5 or so years.....I just
feel better when I am there for him.

Coleen :)

At 04:27 PM 03/18/2000 -0500, Dick Swindler wrote:
>Dear Cari -
>
>I do hope you'll let us know what you mother finds out when she visits the
>neurologist.  I hope he'll take your/her concerns and symptoms seriously.
>
>Please don't be too hard on your mother.  Caring for one invalid can be
>horribly difficult.  Caring for two would reduce me to your mother's state,
>and probably sooner.  Your mother is asked to give her all 24 hours a day,
>with *no one* to give back to her.   And this is asked of her at a time in
>her life when she has less physical ability and stamina than ever before in
>her life.  I'm not at all surprised that she feels she literally "can't" do
>it anymore.  She may have been having a particularly "down" moment when she
>said it, but please be aware that she may literally mean she *can't* - not
>just today, but permanently.
>
>There was a recent study quoted which compared caregivers to an age-matched
>group of non-caregivers for four years and discovered that caregivers were
>68% (or some number close to that) more likely to die during that time period
>than non-caregivers.  The amount of physical and mental stress caregiving
>causes is almost certainly the explanation.  What will your father do if your
>mother suddenly dies and there is no one to care for him?
>
>I know you feel your mother has a choice in how she chooses to react to the
>stresses of caregiving.  Please consider that she wouldn't choose unhealthy
>ways of coping if she knew how else to cope.  Clearly she needs a "crutch" or
>some kind of help, whether it's sugar or whatever else.  I'm not convinced
>that a triple dose of antidepressants will help in such a terribly depressing
>situation.  In addition, bear in mind that she feels very much trapped in the
>situation she's in.  She doesn't feel she has a choice, as a good wife and
>daughter, other than to continue sacrificing herself for her husband and
>mother.
>
>Have you had a family conference to look into other arrangements for your
>grandmother and father?  Can fulltime caretakers be hired to come into the
>home?  Can one or both of the invalids be placed in a care home?  What about
>respite care?  Can you find an agency in your mom's area to provide respite
>care so your mother can get out of the house from time to time?  Personally,
>I'd consider looking into care homes, doing the research, and sitting down to
>talk with your mother about them.  You might see what she'd prefer.  I'd
>expect that at first she wouldn't consider it, since to accept that solution
>would mean she "wasn't doing her duty."  But if she knows the option is
>available and the family won't disown her if a care home becomes necessary,
>then she can let you know when the time is right.
>
>Please give your mother a hug for us, and thank her for all she has done.
>And please tell her that her life and wellbeing are important to you too.
>
>The best of luck to you, your parents, and your grandmother.
>
>Margie Swindler, cg for Dick, 55/18
>
>

MISSING LINKS, Adoptees/triad support group
Grants Pass, So. OREGON
541-862-2226