Darwin....

I've been laughing SOOO hard at the "Pet Haikus," that a neighbor
came over to make sure I was OK!

She has four cats, so I printed her a copy of the Haikus and I
thought she'd CROAK from laughter.

A coupla gals who live nearby my condo were walking their pups
nearby and were drawn to our laughter.  Since I couldn't get a
word out without bursting into guffaws, I printer out hard copies
for THEM, too!

Pretty soon there was a whole buncha folks standing in front of my
condo howling in laughter!!!

Since my mama didn't raise a fool, I figured what a great way to
meet some of my new neighbors, so I ran to the fridge, grabbed a
Sara Lee cheese cake, them whipped up a pitcher of lemonade, and
hosted an impromptu party

Watch out!  They're all heading to YOUR home NOW! <giggling>

Barb Mallut
[log in to unmask]
-----Original Message-----
From: Hawkins, Darwin <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Thursday, April 27, 2000 11:54 AM
Subject: NONPD: Pet Haikus


>For all you cat lovers, and the dog lovers get equal time!
>
>
>> Cat Haikus
>>
>> You never feed me.
>> Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
>> That will show you.
>>
>> You must scratch me there!
>> Yes, above my tail! Behold,
>> Elevator butt.
>>
>> I need a new toy.
>> Tail of black dog keeps good time.
>> Pounce! good dog! good dog!
>>
>> The rule for today:
>> Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
>> New rule tomorrow.
>>
>> In deep sleep hear sound
>> Cat throwup hairball somewhere
>> Will find in morning
>>
>> Grace personified,
>> I leap into the window.
>> I meant to do that.
>>
>> Blur of motion, then --
>> Silence, me, a paper bag.
>> What is so funny?
>>
>> The mighty hunter
>> Returns with gifts of plump birds --
>> Your foot just squashed one
>>
>> You're always typing.
>> Well, let's see you ignore my
>> Sitting on your hands.
>>
>> My small cardboard box.
>> You cannot see me if I
>> Can hide my head.
>>
>> Terrible battle.
>> I fought for hours. Come and see!
>> What's a 'term paper'?
>>
>> Kitty likes plastic
>> Confuses for litter box
>> Shouldn't leave around
>>
>> Small brave carnivores
>> Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
>> Fear vacuum cleaner
>>
>> Want to trim my claws?
>> Don't even think about it!
>> My cries will wake dead.
>>
>> I want to be close
>> To you. Can I fit my head
>> inside your armpit?
>>
>> Want to go outside.
>> Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
>> Let me back inside!
>>
>> Oh no! Big One
>> has been trapped by newspaper!
>> Cat to the rescue!
>>
>> Cats meow out of angst
>> "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
>> We could break so much!"
>>
>> Litter box not here
>> You must have moved it again
>> I'll go in the sink.
>>
>> The Big Ones snore now
>> Every room is dark and cold
>> Time for "Cup Hockey"
>>
>> We're almost equals
>> I purr to show I love you
>> Want to smell my butt?
>>
>> ***********************
>>
>>       Dog Haikus
>>
>> I love my master;
>> Thus I perfume myself with
>> This rotten squirrel.
>>
>> I lie belly-up
>> In the sunshine, happier
>> Than you'll ever be.
>>
>> Today I have sniffed
>> Twelve dog butts. I celebrate
>> By licking your face.
>>
>> I sound the alarm!
>> Paperboy! He'll kill us all!
>> Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
>>
>> I sound the alarm!
>> Garbage man! He'll kill us all!
>> Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
>>
>> How do I love thee?
>> The ways are as many as
>> My hairs on the rug.
>>
>> My human is home!
>> I am so ecstatic I have
>> Made him a puddle.
>>
>> I Hate my choke chain.
>> Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
>> Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
>>
>> Look in these eyes and
>> Deny it. No human could
>> Love you more than me.
>>
>> The cat is not all
>> Bad--she fills the litter box
>> With sweet Tootsie Rolls.
>>
>> Dig under fence--why?
>> Because it's there. Because it's
>> There. Because it's there.
>>
>> I am your best friend,
>> Now, forever, and always
>> When you are eating.
>>
>> You may call them fleas,
>> But they are far more--I call
>> Them a vocation.
>>
>>