janet-What a wondrous writer! Thank you for the
introduction. Carole


--- janet paterson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> this is a repost
> of the best description of the experience of cd
> that i have ever found
>
> janet
>
>
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> Post: 029603
> Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997
> From: janet paterson
> Subj: CD: A Poem by Jane Kenyon
>
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>
> HAVING IT OUT WITH MELANCHOLY
>
> If many remedies are prescribed for an illness,
> you may be certain that the illness has no
> cure.
>
> A.P. Chekhov
> The Cherry Orchard
>
>
> 1 FROM THE NURSERY
>
> When I was born, you waited
> behind a pile of linen in the nursery,
> and when we were alone, you lay down
> on top of me, pressing
> the bile of desolation into every pore.
> And from that day on
> everything under the sun and moon
> made me sad=97even the yellow
> wooden beads that slid and spun
> along a spindle on my crib.
>
> You taught me to exist without gratitude.
> You ruined my manners toward God:
> "We're here simply to wit for death;
> the pleasures of earth are overrated."
>
> I only appeared to belong to my mother,
> to live among blocks and cotton undershirts
> with snaps; among red tin lunch boxes
> and report cards in ugly brown slipcases.
> I was already yours=97the anti-urge,
> the mutilator of souls.
>
> 2 BOTTLES
>
> Elavil, Ludiomil, Doxepin,
> Norpramin, Prozac, Lithium, Xanax,
> Wellbutrin, Parnate, Nardil, Zoloft.
> The coated ones smell sweet or have
> no smell; the powdery ones smell
> like the chemistry lab at school
> that made me hold my breath.
>
> 3 SUGGESTION FROM A FRIEND
>
> You wouldn't be so depressed
> if you really believed in God.
>
> 4 OFTEN
>
> Often I go to bed as soon after dinner
> as seems adult
> (I mean I try to wait for dark)
> in order to push away
> from the massive pain in sleep's
> frail wicker coracle.
>
> 5 ONCE THERE WAS LIGHT
>
> Once, in my early thirties, I saw
> that I was a speck of light in the great
> river of light that undulates through time.
> I was floating with the whole
> human family. We were all colors - those
> who are living now, those who have died,
> those who are not yet born. For a few
> moments I floated, completely calm,
> and I no longer hated having to exist.
>
> Like a crow who smells hot blood
> you came flying to pull me out
> of the glowing stream.
> "I'll hold you up. I never let my dear
> ones drown!" After that, I wept for days.
>
> 6 IN AND OUT
>
> The dog searches until he finds me
> upstairs, lies down with a clatter
> of elbows, puts his head on my foot.
>
> Sometimes the sound of his breathing
> saves my life - in and out, in
> and out; a pause, a long sigh...
>
> 7 PARDON
>
> A piece of burned meat
> wears my clothes, speaks
> in my voice, dispatches obligations
> haltingly, or not at all.
> It is tired of trying
> to be stouthearted, tired
> beyond measure.
>
> We move on to the monoamine
> oxidase inhibitors. Day and night
> I feel as if I had drunk six cups
> of coffee, but the pain stops
> abruptly. With the wonder
> and bitterness of someone pardoned
> for a crime she did not commit
> I come back to marriage and friends,
> to pink-fringed hollyhocks; come back
> to my desk, books, and chair.
>
> 8 CREDO
>
> Pharmaceutical wonders are at work
> but I believe only in this moment
> of well-being. Unholy ghost,
> you are certain to come again.
>
> Coarse, mean, you'll put your feet
> on the coffee table, lean back,
> and turn me into someone who can't
> take the trouble to speak; someone
> who can't sleep, or who does nothing
> but sleep; can't read, or call
> for an appointment for help.
>
> There is nothing I can do
> against your coming.
> When I am awake, I am still with thee.
>
> 9 WOOD THRUSH
>
> High on Nardil and June light
> I wake at four,
> waiting greedily for the first
> notes of the wood thrush. Easeful air
> presses through the screen
> with the wild, complex song
> of the bird, and I am overcome
> by ordinary contentment.
> What hurt me so terribly
> all my life until this moment?
> How I love the small, swiftly
> beating heart of the bird
> singing in the great maples;
> its bright, unequivocal eye.
>
> Jane Kenyon
>
>
> Copyright 1996 by Jane Kenyon
> >From Otherwise: New & Selected Poems
> <http://www.graywolfpress.org/>
>
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>
> janet paterson
> 53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
> 613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada
> come visit my website "a new voice" at:
> http://www.geocities.com/janet313/


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