>       Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have
>          to hear about all the men she could have married, and
>          she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
>          ____________________________________________
>
>          An elderly woman died last month.  Having never married,
>          she requested no male pallbearers.  In her handwritten
>          instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They
>          wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
>          to take me out when I'm dead.
>          ____________________________________________
>
>          A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would
>          you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"  He said,
>          "Call for backup."
>          ____________________________________________
>
>          A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before
>          she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it
>          necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because
>          people are sleeping."
>          ____________________________________________
>
>          A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and
>          Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.  A small child
>          replied:  "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
>          _____________________________________________
>
>          A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
>          Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After
>          explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy
>          mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches
>          us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"  Without missing
>          a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
>          _____________________________________________
>
>          At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
>          everything, including human beings.  Little Johnny seemed
>          especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
>          out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother
>          noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
>         Johnny what is the matter?  Little Johnny responded, "I have
>          a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
>         _____________________________________________
>
>          A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard
>           and  asked his mother,  "Who am I? "  Ready to play the game
>          she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"  "WOW!" cried the
>          child.  "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my
>          own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
>          _____________________________________________
>
>          A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the
>          first day of school:  "If you promise not to believe everything
>          your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe
>          everything he says happens at home.