now you tell me!!! after 7 kids i am not crazy just a mother and grandmother
who thought i was alone
  connie
----- Original Message -----
From: "Benjamin Winter" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2000 6:43 PM
Subject: non-PD: a newly identified disease


> Do you commonly find yourself calling your children by
> the wrong name, and feel like kicking yourself for
> spending
> so much time selecting just the right name for each
> child?
>
> Do you find yourself saying to your child, "Sure, I
> know where you left your cookie. It's on the long white
> horizontal surface in the kitchen...you know, the one
> with
> the thing we cook with on one end and the thing we put
> stuff
> in to keep it cold on the other end? Um...there's a sink
> in it?"
>
> Do you tell people on the phone that you'll be happy to
> take a message, just as soon as you find a
> "message-writing-down
> thingamabob?"
>
> In fact, do all the nouns in your vocabulary, nouns
> which have been your friends and companions since
> you were two years old, suddenly become "thingies"
> when you are under pressure? You may be suffering
> from Deficient noun disease.
>
> Deficient noun disease, or DND, is a common affliction
> among mothers of small children (older children too).
> While not a dangerous illness, DND is an exasperating
> and frustrating one which increases in severity in direct
> proportion to the number of children in the household.
>
> Common symptoms of DND include the following: Calling
> children by each other's names, forgetting the proper
> names for common household objects, and casually
> referring to other adults not as "John and Jane" but as
> "those people with the pool who barbecue every Friday."
>
> Another common symptom is the frequent use of the
> WRONG noun in a given situation, rather like mild
> aphasia. Someone with this particular type of DND might
> say, "Put your plate on the stove...I mean on the
> counter...
> I mean ON THE TABLE!"
>
> A less common symptom displayed by some DND sufferers is
> an
> ailment also referred to as the "Crossword" Syndrome.
> With
> this particular type of DND-related illness, the affected
> person might declare, "Oh, yes, I know her name. Let's
> see...
> it starts with an "S", has five letters...."
>
> DND, although virtually untreatable and incurable, can
> still be
> endured with a minimum of pain and embarrassment if the
> afflicted
> person makes use of the following handy coping
> mechanisms.
>
> One method of coping with the disease involves the clever
> use of
> nicknames, which can easily apply to any individual in
> the family,
> like "Dear" or "Sweetheart". This method breaks down when
> the DND
> sufferer is faced with the necessity of differentiating
> between
> individuals, or when she is talking to several people at
> one time,
> so the use of group nicknames, like referring to everyone
> in the
> room as "Y'all", a common Southern coping mechanism, is
> recommended.
>
> Another good way to conceal DND from your friends and
> family members
> is to develop the habit of pausing in your sentences when
> reaching a
> crucial noun. If the pause is long enough, the other
> individual will
> attempt to guess the noun for you, and you need only
> respond in the
> affirmative when the correct noun is reached. Although
> this method
> may take time, it certainly adds suspense to an otherwise
> ordinary
> conversation.
>
> The information available on DND is still patchy and
> incomplete, due
> to the unnecessary shame felt by many mothers who do not
> realize that
> this illness is wide-spread and quite common. Very few
> mothers are able
> to call their children by name, and it is difficult for
> them to believe
> that the time invested in picking out those names was, to
> put it bluntly,
> wasted.
>
> When education has removed the stigma from the minds of
> all women, this
> disease might very well be shown to be the most common
> affliction in
> human history.
>
> The cause of DND is not yet known; some scientists
> believe that using a
> word over 100,000 times in the course of a lifetime may
> simply fade that
> word from long-term memory; mothers simply reach the
> lifetime limit
> earlier
> because they must repeat themselves so often. Other
> scientists hold up
> the
> two-year old child as proof positive that the repetition
> of a word more
> than 100,000 times (in this case, the word, "Mommy,")
> does not cause
> selective noun amnesia.
>
> Although modern science may never be able to cure DND or
> discover what
> exactly causes it, we as mothers and fellow sufferers can
> still help one
> another to recognize the illness and learn to live in
> harmony with it.
>
> The next time you hear yourself shouting,
> "CLAUDIA-CODY-BETSY-LOGAN-JILL,
> YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! GET IN HERE!," you can comfort
> yourself with the
> knowledge that mothers all over the world are doing the
> same thing.
>