My friend, "Freckles", sent this.
E of the Headdress

>Customer Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
>Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can
>you guide me through the process?
>Customer Service Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
>Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install
>now. What do I do first?
>Customer Service Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located
>your HEART ma'am?
>Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right
>now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
>Customer Service Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
>Customer: Let's see, I have PAST HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
>RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
>Customer Service Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE
>from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory,
>but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
>LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you
>have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs
>prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
>Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
>Customer Service Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
>FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and
>RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
>Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is
>that normal?
>Customer Service Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
>reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
>Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
>Customer Service Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
>You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
>Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
>Customer Service Rep: What does the message say?
>Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What
>does that mean?
>Customer Service Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means
>that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet
>been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things,
>but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine
>before it can "LOVE" others.
>Customer: So what should I do?
>Customer Service Rep: Can you pull down the directory called
>"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
>Customer: Yes, I have it.
>Customer Service Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
>Customer: Thank you.
>Customer Service Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then
>copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT,
>and ACKNOWLEDGE LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting
>files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete
>VERBOSE-SELF CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle
>bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
>Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG
>is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
>CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
>Customer Service Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
>everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and
>running. You should be able to handle it from here.
>One more thing before I go.
>Customer: Yes?
>Customer Service Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
>modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people
>and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
>Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
>Customer Service Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as
>The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is
>an annual check-up to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests
>a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way,
>keep in touch . . ..
>NOTE: Daily maintenance for maximum efficiency!
>
>
>