hi all

this subject has popped up again recently
and since i found these while working on the
next instalment of 'janet's journal'
i thought i'd re- and cross-post them

janet


     -----------------------------------------------------------------
     Post: 039530
     Date: 1998/03/28
     Subj: your work is not your worth
     -----------------------------------------------------------------

     hi all

     in light of discussions re disability benefits, retirement, et
     cetera
     and
     in light of the pd connection with cd in 50% of us
     and
     in light of our society's frequent confusion between
     self-esteem and selfishness

     i have found this helpful in the past
     and hope it might be relevant to my cyber-siblings now

     janet

     -----------------------------------------------------------------
     from "feeling good" by dr. david burns
     chapter 13 "your work is not your worth"
     -----------------------------------------------------------------

     a silent assumption that leads to anxiety and depression is
     "my worth as a human being is proportional
     to what i have achieved in my life"

     this attitude is at the core of western culture
     and the protestant work ethic

     it sounds innocent enough

     in fact
     it is self-defeating, grossly inaccurate, and malignant

     there are four valid paths to self-esteem

     the first
     is both pragmatic and philosophical

     essentially you must acknowledge that human "worth"
     is just an abstraction
     it doesn't exist
     therefore you cannot have it or fail to have it
     and it cannot be measured

     worth is not a thing
     it is just a global concept

     nor is it a useful and enhancing concept
     it is simply self-defeating

     it doesn't do you any good
     it only causes suffering and misery

     so rid yourself immediately of any claim to being 'worthy'
     and you'll never have to measure up again
     or fear being worthless

     "but i'm a humanistic or spiritual person" you might argue
     "i've always been taught that all human beings have worth
     and i just don't want to give up this concept"

     very well
     if you want to look at it this way
     i'll agree with you

     and this brings us to the second path to self-esteem

     acknowledge that everyone has one "unit of worth"
     from the time they are born
     until the time they die

     as an infant
     you may achieve very little
     and yet you are still precious and worthwhile

     when you are old or ill
     relaxed or asleep
     or just doing "nothing"
     you still have "worth"

     your "unit of worth"
     can't be measured
     amd can never change
     and it is the same for everyone

     during your lifetime
     you can enhance your happiness and satisfaction
     through productive living
     or
     you can act in a destructive manner
     and make yourself miserable
     but
     your "unit of worth" is always there
     along with your potential for self-esteem and joy

     since you can't measure it or change it
     there is no point in dealing with it
     or being concerned about it
     leave that up to god

     here is the third path to self-esteem

     recognize
     that there is only one way
     you can lose a sense of self-worth:
     by persecuting yourself with unreasonable illogical negative
     thoughts

     self-esteem
     can be defined as the state that exists
     when you are not arbitrarily haranguing and abusing yourself
     but choose to fight back against these automatic thoughts
     with meaningful rational responses

     when you do this effectively
     you will experience a natural sense of jubilation
     and self-endorsement

     essentially you don't have to get the river flowing
     you just have to avoid
     damming it

     here is the fourth solution

     self-esteem can be viewed as your decision
     to treat yourself like a
     beloved friend

     imagine that a vip you respect came suddenly to visit you one day
     how might you treat that person:

     you would wear your best clothes
     and offer your finest wine and food
     and you would do everything you could
     to make her feel comfortable and pleased with her visit
     you would be sure to let her know how highly you valued her
     and how honoured you were that she chose to spend some time with
     you

     now - why not treat yourself like that
     do it all the time if you can

     after all
     no matter how impressed you are with your favourite vip
     you
     are more important to you
     than she is
     so why not treat yourself at least as well

     would you
     insult and harangue a guest with vicious distorted put downs?

     would you
     peck away at her weaknesses and imperfections?

     then why do this to yourself?

     your self torment
     becomes pretty silly when you look at it this way

     do you
     have to earn the right
     to treat yourself in this loving caring way?

     no

     this attitude of self-esteem
     will be an assertion that you make
     based on a full awareness of your strengths and imperfections

     you will fully acknowledge your positive attributes
     without false humility or a sense of superiority

     you will freely admit to all your errors and inadequacies
     without any sense of inferiority or self-depreciation whatever

     this attitude embodies the essence
     of self love and self respect

     it does not have to be earned

     it cannot be earned in any way

     -----------------------------------------------------------------

janet paterson: an akinetic rigid subtype, albeit perky, parky .
pd: 54/41/37 cd: 54/44/43 tel: 613 256 8340 email: [log in to unmask] .
snail mail: 375 Country Street, Apt 301, Almonte, Ontario, Canada, K0A 1A0 .
a new voice: the nnnewsletter: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/janet313/ .
a new voice: the wwweb site: http://www.geocities.com/janet313/ .

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