Hello to one and all.  Now, let's see where was I?  Well, welcome to the
woods of Northern Michigan and to Parkinsaw.  It's  been too long no?  New policy
up here.  Like less is better.  With our bilateral DBS a year and a half  old
now, we're running smoother with more horsepower, although the aging parts
misfire occasionally.   (Where am I going with these metaphors?)

Anyway, it's lunch time up here in the brush and I believe I'll go on down to
the Northern Lights for a Levolager breweski and a brat.  Beer. It's not just
for breakfast any more.

John Bjork


The Parkinsaw Chronicle
Parkinsaw, MI
Sept 10, 03

He's  baaaaaaak!

Welcome back to Parkinsaw, MI, John, I said to myself.  Well, what did you
expect, a parade of Parkinsaw perfumed pigs proudly portraying pretty piggy
posteriors?  For Moi?  you ask. Not by your local Piggly Wiggly store, Sinemet
breath.  Well, then, can you explain the reason for the no-show for the last
year?  No, suffice it to say that the Chronicle lives!  I suppose I could say I
owe it all to my DBS operation. Nah.  How about increased ingestion of Levolager
beer?  No, can't say that either.  Blame it on the Detroit Tiger's cruddy
play.(The Tigers, of course, are in danger of setting a new record for post-1900
season losses by a major league baseball team,  currently held by the New York
Mets for their record setting 120 losses during their 1962-63 season.  The
terrible Tigs could could also have a pair of 20-game loosers in the pitching
department. ) Whatever.  Anyhow, the format is the same for those of you already
familar with the Chronicle.  For those who are new to this,  this periodic
newsletter reports on events of interest to sufferers of Parkinsons Disease who
reside in the imaginary town of Parkinsaw, MI, in Michigan's  scenic Upper
Perinsula.  At times it might appear  that the residents of Parkinsaw march to
the beat of a different drum; which, of course, is better than marching to no
drum at all.

Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) Update.  For those who have been on vacation to
the moon, with DBS your wily neurosurgeon thread wires through the skull and
into the capsula, with no tissue being destroyed.  The wires, which remain
imbedded in the brain are connected to stimulators containing a battery pack in
the chest cavity which produce an adjustible, high frequency current that
magically improves symptoms of Parkinson's disease. Up here in Parkinsaw, several
patients have complained about receiving TV broadcasts over the implants.  In
some cases, the complaints involved only getting WLUC TV from Marquette.  Mel
Soderberg reports that he inadvertenly changed channels  when his wife slapped
him along side the head.  He was not holding the remote at the time. As
mentioned,  yours truely went under the knife for a bilateral DBS operation last May
02; everything came out splendidly and I'm a changed man fer sure. My head
looks like a mogul run but aside from that all symptoms are vastly improved,
particularly tremors.  Of course, given my memory problems I can't really remember
what it was like before the operation so I have to rely on friends and
family.  Another thing. Medtronics sent me a little plastic wallet card announcing
that my stimulators might cause the airport security scanners to give a false
reading, while the booklet that came with the stimulators warns that the
implanted devices might go to the 'off' position while going through the airport
x-ray security check point.  Talk about a Gordian Knot: Just what I needed.  My
Parkinson's Disease stimulators to malfunction just as I'm about ready to fly a
couple hours.  Flying isn't stressful enough I guess.  "Excuse me miss, would
y'all bring me six vodka tonics?"

Jobs to Avoid.  The Parkinsaw Employment Center has advised me that I should
not consider seeking employment as a Las Vegas Casino card dealer, snake
handler or cruise missile repair technician any time soon.  After seeing a huge
pine snake on the links last week, I don't need to mess with snakes as a
vocation.  Maybe I'll take a correspondence course on how to make money being a golf
ball restoration specialist.

How to make your miserable life even more miserable.  C'mon admit it.  LIfe
can be pretty dreary for we Parkinsonians at times, what with this
debilitating, incurable, degenerative, progressive and thoroughly disgusting disease.  But
wait. You can make yourself and the other  people in your life even more
miserable. Here's how:  You're going to a dinner party with your spouse an hour
away from home.   You must be on time.  Just as you pull into the driveway you
announce that you left your medications at home.  Better still,  you remember
to bring along a small pill vial which you assume has your proper medications
in it but you didn't check it before you left, and you don't check it now. No,
you wait until you're just finishing cocktails before you check.  Then you say
"Honey, I...."
Next newsletter:  How to use your disease to get out of house work and other
sneaky tricks.

The Northern Lights microbrewery is still serving their famous Levolager
brewskies, which just go great with high-fat brats.  Why is it  that everything
tasty and good in life is bad for us.  Anyway, there's going to be a polka party
down there this Saturday night featuring The Six Fat Neuros Band. A one, and
a two......  See you there.

And now as the sun sinks slowly in the west over Lake Parkinsaw the deer will
be out soon into the brush foraging for food.  Such lovely creatures, but
they are sure rough on the gardens.  We leave you with this thought.  Don't for a
minute let this nasty disease get you down.  Don't let it rob you of God's
gift to you of your smile, laugh and sense of humor.  Visit Sparkle and
Parkinsaw often.  They're fun places to visit.

John Bjork
The Parkinsaw Cronicle
www.mikeauldridge.com/parkinsn.htm

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