John  I dont remember where you left off either but pass the brew and stay a
while!  Bob
----- Original Message -----
From: "John Bjork" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, October 16, 2003 9:20 AM
Subject: Parkinsaw, MI Lives


> Hello to one and all.  Now, let's see where was I?  Well, welcome to the
> woods of Northern Michigan and to Parkinsaw.  It's  been too long no?  New
policy
> up here.  Like less is better.  With our bilateral DBS a year and a half
old
> now, we're running smoother with more horsepower, although the aging parts
> misfire occasionally.   (Where am I going with these metaphors?)
>
> Anyway, it's lunch time up here in the brush and I believe I'll go on down
to
> the Northern Lights for a Levolager breweski and a brat.  Beer. It's not
just
> for breakfast any more.
>
> John Bjork
>
>
> The Parkinsaw Chronicle
> Parkinsaw, MI
> Sept 10, 03
>
> He's  baaaaaaak!
>
> Welcome back to Parkinsaw, MI, John, I said to myself.  Well, what did you
> expect, a parade of Parkinsaw perfumed pigs proudly portraying pretty
piggy
> posteriors?  For Moi?  you ask. Not by your local Piggly Wiggly store,
Sinemet
> breath.  Well, then, can you explain the reason for the no-show for the
last
> year?  No, suffice it to say that the Chronicle lives!  I suppose I could
say I
> owe it all to my DBS operation. Nah.  How about increased ingestion of
Levolager
> beer?  No, can't say that either.  Blame it on the Detroit Tiger's cruddy
> play.(The Tigers, of course, are in danger of setting a new record for
post-1900
> season losses by a major league baseball team,  currently held by the New
York
> Mets for their record setting 120 losses during their 1962-63 season.  The
> terrible Tigs could could also have a pair of 20-game loosers in the
pitching
> department. ) Whatever.  Anyhow, the format is the same for those of you
already
> familar with the Chronicle.  For those who are new to this,  this periodic
> newsletter reports on events of interest to sufferers of Parkinsons
Disease who
> reside in the imaginary town of Parkinsaw, MI, in Michigan's  scenic Upper
> Perinsula.  At times it might appear  that the residents of Parkinsaw
march to
> the beat of a different drum; which, of course, is better than marching to
no
> drum at all.
>
> Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) Update.  For those who have been on vacation
to
> the moon, with DBS your wily neurosurgeon thread wires through the skull
and
> into the capsula, with no tissue being destroyed.  The wires, which remain
> imbedded in the brain are connected to stimulators containing a battery
pack in
> the chest cavity which produce an adjustible, high frequency current that
> magically improves symptoms of Parkinson's disease. Up here in Parkinsaw,
several
> patients have complained about receiving TV broadcasts over the implants.
In
> some cases, the complaints involved only getting WLUC TV from Marquette.
Mel
> Soderberg reports that he inadvertenly changed channels  when his wife
slapped
> him along side the head.  He was not holding the remote at the time. As
> mentioned,  yours truely went under the knife for a bilateral DBS
operation last May
> 02; everything came out splendidly and I'm a changed man fer sure. My head
> looks like a mogul run but aside from that all symptoms are vastly
improved,
> particularly tremors.  Of course, given my memory problems I can't really
remember
> what it was like before the operation so I have to rely on friends and
> family.  Another thing. Medtronics sent me a little plastic wallet card
announcing
> that my stimulators might cause the airport security scanners to give a
false
> reading, while the booklet that came with the stimulators warns that the
> implanted devices might go to the 'off' position while going through the
airport
> x-ray security check point.  Talk about a Gordian Knot: Just what I
needed.  My
> Parkinson's Disease stimulators to malfunction just as I'm about ready to
fly a
> couple hours.  Flying isn't stressful enough I guess.  "Excuse me miss,
would
> y'all bring me six vodka tonics?"
>
> Jobs to Avoid.  The Parkinsaw Employment Center has advised me that I
should
> not consider seeking employment as a Las Vegas Casino card dealer, snake
> handler or cruise missile repair technician any time soon.  After seeing a
huge
> pine snake on the links last week, I don't need to mess with snakes as a
> vocation.  Maybe I'll take a correspondence course on how to make money
being a golf
> ball restoration specialist.
>
> How to make your miserable life even more miserable.  C'mon admit it.
LIfe
> can be pretty dreary for we Parkinsonians at times, what with this
> debilitating, incurable, degenerative, progressive and thoroughly
disgusting disease.  But
> wait. You can make yourself and the other  people in your life even more
> miserable. Here's how:  You're going to a dinner party with your spouse an
hour
> away from home.   You must be on time.  Just as you pull into the driveway
you
> announce that you left your medications at home.  Better still,  you
remember
> to bring along a small pill vial which you assume has your proper
medications
> in it but you didn't check it before you left, and you don't check it now.
No,
> you wait until you're just finishing cocktails before you check.  Then you
say
> "Honey, I...."
> Next newsletter:  How to use your disease to get out of house work and
other
> sneaky tricks.
>
> The Northern Lights microbrewery is still serving their famous Levolager
> brewskies, which just go great with high-fat brats.  Why is it  that
everything
> tasty and good in life is bad for us.  Anyway, there's going to be a polka
party
> down there this Saturday night featuring The Six Fat Neuros Band. A one,
and
> a two......  See you there.
>
> And now as the sun sinks slowly in the west over Lake Parkinsaw the deer
will
> be out soon into the brush foraging for food.  Such lovely creatures, but
> they are sure rough on the gardens.  We leave you with this thought.
Don't for a
> minute let this nasty disease get you down.  Don't let it rob you of God's
> gift to you of your smile, laugh and sense of humor.  Visit Sparkle and
> Parkinsaw often.  They're fun places to visit.
>
> John Bjork
> The Parkinsaw Cronicle
> www.mikeauldridge.com/parkinsn.htm
>
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