I like your idea, Kathleen. I can actually feel that knot in my stomach go
away and it's much better than the way I've been doing it.  I've been
calling on the day I DON'T go over.  I don't know why I never thought about
doing it differently but I'll definitely try it since I have to cut his hair
tomorrow afternoon.  That is definitely a sigh of relief you're hearing.  

I have talked to a social service worker but was told she couldn't give me
any advice unless my friend came in for an evaluation - which, of course he
won't do.  I can understand their position since they probably have
guidelines they have to follow, and in the long run, their jobs could be on
the line. 

Sami

-------Original Message-------
 
From: Kathleen Cochran
Date: 8/25/2009 11:00:43 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: a thought
 
Sami,
 
Yikes. That does sound really scary.
 
I wasn't thinking of social services professionals in terms of assessing
him...rather, I thought they might have some suggestions for you in managing
this difficult situation.
 
I wonder: could you set up a routine where you phone him before going over?
That would at least relieve the anxiety over whether you'll find him alive.
 
Kathleen
 
2009/8/24 Sami <[log in to unmask]>
 
> Hi Kathleen,
>
> Since I cannot make my friend do anything he doesn't want to do, that
> includes his being assessed by anyone.  Although I do feel a certain
amount
> off responsibility, my greatest fear is going over to his house after he
> has
> followed through on his threats and finding his body.  That fear has made
> my
> visits nerve wracking - I find myself holding my breath when I open his
> door
> and then breathing a sigh of relief when I see he is still sitting in his
> chair.  Unfortunately, I also find myself skipping some of the days when I
> should be going over to help.....I simply don't want to be the one to find
> him dead.  I also think that by skipping days, I may be driving him closer
> to his doing harm to himself.  It has become a very real catch-22.
>
> Sami
>
> -------Original Message-------
>
> From: Kathleen Cochran
> Date: 8/22/2009 11:00:28 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: a thought
>
> Dear Sami,
>
> Mary Ann is right. it is very important that your friend be assessed for
> depression and treated if necessary.
>
> I am concerned about your welfare. Your kindness is touching and admirable
> and your friend is lucky to have you. However, I see a risk for you. If
> your
>
> friend should again attempt or even complete suicide, you might feel a
> sense
> of responsibility and your own mental health could be in jeopardy.
>
> I wish I had some brilliant suggestions for you, but I don't. I can only
> say
> that if I were in your shoes I think I would contact a social services
> agency to seek professional guidance on dealing with this difficult
> situation.
>
> Good luck,
>
> Kathleen
>
> 2009/8/21 Sami <[log in to unmask]>
>
> > Hi Mary Ann,
> >
> > I'm sure it was included in the tests he started.  Unfortunately, he
> > thought
> > he knew more than his physicians and has refused to go to any doctor
> > whatsoever since before I began helping him.  He now is convinced he is
> > turning to stone and other than listening to him and doing his errands,
I
> > have given up making suggestions since he then turns away from me too.
> >
> > Sami
> >
> >
> > Sami, one of the first signs of PD is depression.  I'm wondering if your
> > friend is being treated for the disorder?
> > --------
> > Mary Ann
> > www.bentwillowfarm.org
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> >
> > From: "Sami" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 4:39 AM
> > Subject: Re: a thought
> >
> > Moneesha,
> >
> > The Christopher H. Brewer beatitudes blew me away and brought me to
> tears.
> > May I borrow this e-mail so I can take it to a friend who cannot see the
> > positive side not only of his illness but life itself?  This has caused
> him
> > to attempt suicide twice. I have only known him since October 2008. My
> goal
> > has been to give him 'goals' to reach.  We made it past Halloween; then
> > Thanksgiving; Christmas; the NewYear;  Valentine's Day; my birthday  etc
> > etc
> > His negativity has been wearing me down and I hadn't realized I have
been
> > losing my 'empathy and compassion'  until I read your e-mail to Dr. Chew

> I
> > have to stop dragging myself to his house....and go with a happy smile;
>  I
> > have to drive him around town....and stop thinking about what else I
> could
> > be doing;  I have to cut his hair.....and quit griping to myself because
> he
> > s embarrassed to have his ex-barber see him now.  There are many other
> > things I could add, but I think you get the idea.  At first I thought he
> > could use the beatitudes but then, after reading it many times, I came
to
> > the realization that I was the one who needed them back!
> >
> >
> >
> > Sami
> >
> >
> >
> > -------Original Message-------
> >
> >
> >
> > From: Moneesha Sharma
> > Date: 8/15/2009 11:25:16 PM
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> >
> > Subject: Re: a thought
> >
> > Dear Dr. Chew,
> >
> > How right you are about education, but what is also needed is empathy
and
> > Compassion.  I am posting here something that was posted by a fellow CG
> on
> > CARE.  His wife, who is a PD patient now fairly advanced, had saved it
on
> > Their computer.  I think you might find it useful -
> >
> >
> > Blessed are you that never bids us "hurry up" and more blessed are you
> that
> > Do not snatch our tasks from our hands to do them for us, for often we
> need
> > Time rather than help.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are you who take time to listen to defective speech, for you
help
> > us
> >
> > To know that if we persevere, we can be understood.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are you who walk with us in public places and ignore the stares
> of
> > Strangers, for in your companionship we find havens of relaxation.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are you who stand beside us as we enter new ventures, for our
> > Failures will be outweighed by times we surprise ourselves and you.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are you who ask for our help, for our greatest need is to be
> needed
> >
> >
> > Blessed are you when by all these things you assure us that the thing
> that
> > Makes us individuals is not our peculiar muscles, nor our wounded
nervous
> > System, but the God-given self that no infirmity can confine.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are those who realize that I am human and don't expect me to be
> > Saintly just because I am disabled.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are those who understand that sometimes I am weak and not just
> lazy
> >
> >
> > Blessed are those who pick things up without being asked.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are those who forget my disability of the body and see me as a
> > whole
> >
> > Person, unique and complete, and not as "half" and one of God's mistakes

> >
> >
> > Blessed are those who love me just as I am without wondering what I
might
> > Have been like.
> >
> >
> > Blessed are my friends on whom I depend, for they are the substance and
> joy
> > Of my life!!!!
> >
> > "A true handicap is what we don't do with what we have, not what we can
t
> > do
> >
> > With what we don't have."
> >
> > Christopher H. Brewer
> >
> >
> >
> > All the best in the wonderful work you are doing.
> >
> > Moneesha
> >
> > This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from
> > http://www
> > papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm-------Original Message-------
> >
> >
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