simple -  Fire her.  IF some one is not doing their job, then it is like 
having noone.  I am a patient. I have had care for over 15 years My son 
always asked me when I complained about an aide.  ' Are they doing the 
job or not?'  If they are not , then u fire them and hire someone who 
can. '  Last time I checked unemployment was pretty high compared to 5 
years ago.

Call to see if ur community has a senior van. I have been taking mine 
since I was 36 yrs. old.  Their . funding is from the dept. of aged and 
disabled.

Nancy M

Kathryn Temple wrote:
> Dear Rayilyn,
>
> I'm so sorry, but my experience is that when you get to this point, 
> you have to move on and find a new person. I know it's really hard to 
> find somebody.
>
> I've had a lot of help over the years, first when my husband had 
> terminal cancer and then for the past three and a half years to help 
> me with my daughter and the house since I have a really demanding job. 
> And my father who has PD is in care with numerous caregivers.
>
> A trusted friend tells me that these relationships have a life-cycle 
> and that the relationship kind of "wears out" after a while and this 
> makes sense to me. Also, in managing people at work I have found that 
> letting them take advantage and continue on while they are not 
> performing is psychologically damaging to them as well as to the 
> manager, better to let them go find another job after a few attempts 
> to work with them.
>
> What worries me here is the abuse potential. This person is not 
> listening to you or treating you with respect and you are vulnerable 
> (less vulnerable than some because you have friends and are the 
> Director of your chapter, so have support, but still vulnerable).
>
> On a very prosaic note, that business with the laundry worries me 
> because it means  she's not cleaning the lint traps and is overloading 
> the machines, both risks of fire. After a few rounds with my cleaning 
> lady over the same thing, I have prohibited her from doing any of my 
> laundry.
>
> As far as letting your person go, I've found it better to be very 
> pragmatic and not get into details. You just tell the person (or 
> better yet have a relative or other person tell them) that the 
> schedule isn't working out and you've found someone else who is a 
> better fit. You'll need help especially if she has keys and access to 
> your house. People with this mentality can get angry and then justify 
> various sorts of "revenge." Once was sharing a nanny with another 
> family. Had to let her go after about two months because she wasn't 
> showing up for work (which meant that neither of us could get to 
> work). Her final act was to turn on all the water in the house and 
> stop up the drains while the other family was at work.
>
> There are good caregivers out there and certainly better than what 
> you're describing. My grandmother had one, for instance, and even my 
> cleaning lady with all her issues (she has grown old working for me so 
> despite the issues I won't let her go) would be better.
>
> Good luck, it's almost a new year, a good time to make a change.
>
> Kathy
>
>
>
> rayilynlee wrote:
>> Hi NK and fellow Parkies and CGs:
>>
>> I've had company the last few days and unable to  do computer work.  
>> I'm completely worn out.
>> I'm also having problems with my "caregiver".  For sometime now she 
>> has been very annoyed and angry with me for my voice problems.   
>> Because I am not screaming bloody murder she assumes PD is like 
>> getting old.   If I raise my voice she reacts like I am angry with 
>> her even though I have explained that I "strangle" when I try to 
>> speak.   I typed her a message on the  computer this week.  The 
>> trouble is she is not a very smart or sophisticated person and is not 
>> going to change.  She will never understand Parkinson's.
>>
>> I'm putting this message on the PIEN in an effort to get advice from 
>> everyone.
>>
>> There are other problems too (last Christmas she threw out my mothers 
>> ashes), the destruction of my clothes with lint, wrinkles, putting 
>> white and dark colors together is reaching a critical mass and she 
>> denies any responsibility and she told me I should  buy different 
>> kinds of clothes.  She left me for over an hour at the manicurist 
>> while she ate lunch last week.  I don't mind her always eating on the 
>> job, but this was too much.  She never answered her phone when the 
>> proprietors called her several times.
>>
>> She lives with her daughter, son-in-law and is part-time babysitter 
>> for their 3 young children.  They both work for Southwest Airlines 
>> and she never knows what day she will work for me.  She has a hectic 
>> life and I try to accommodate her.  I store her things in my extra 
>> closets for her.
>>
>> Any suggestions would be appreciated.  She has good qualities and it 
>> is not easy to find someone.  She has worked for me for  5 years.     
>> In the beginning I made a list of chores and left her alone. 
>> These problems have grown - as my PD has gotten worse.  the clothes 
>> thing happened a few at a time.  eating on job has increased -  she 
>> used to take  me out to eat and I bought her meals.  not answering 
>> her phone is a few instances at a time.  Not wanting to make a big 
>> deal out of little things, they have accumulated.
>>
>> Ray
>>
>> Rayilyn Brown
>> Director AZNPF
>> Arizona Chapter National Parkinson Foundation
>> [log in to unmask]
>>
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