Abusive and taking advantage of you... it sounds like it's time to  
consider another caregiver.
I can't imagine you doing this alone, you are incredible!  If you have  
someone you can trust, ask them to help you sort thru this.
Google and Go to your state's dept of aging and find agencies in your  
area and see how they are rated... how many complaints they have had,  
etc.  Email the agency and ask them to explain any complaints listed.   
If you don't use an agency, then contact your local churches or your  
local dept of aging and see if they will produce some quality  
candidates.

Another area in being vulnerable is your money.
Eva Mor talks about caregivers having access to your money, which is a  
bad thing, as abuse can easily and quickly happen.

You have done a fantastic job in communicating all this time i have  
been on the list serve, pat yourself, because you are amazing.

You do a great job communicating on the computer,  and if you can  
print from your computer, make labels that way.
Nothing fancy, just large font and simple words,  DARK CLOTHES, LIGHT  
CLOTHES, WHITES, TOWELS, SHEETS,
DRY ONLY SORTED CLOTHES TOGETHER.

Make a note for detergents and softener area, about how much to use.   
Short and sweet.... 1/2 capful etc.
There is a new softener ball at Walmart for $1.20.  You add downy in  
the ball and throw in your dryer with cleaned clothes.
Haven't tried it, but for those who dry their clothes and can't fold  
them right away, this may be a great solution.

Print your words on bottom half of a 8x11" sheet, fold it over and  
hang on your laundry baskets or tape on baskets or tape on wall area  
by wash area and dryer area.

Wish i lived closer to you, so i could help you sort thru this.
Keep us posted how it all works out for you,

Patti cg 16



On Dec 28, 2009, at 2:04 AM, rayilynlee wrote:

> good ideas patti, but I can't write.
> she comes twice a week for 4 hours
> some people are  suggesting sheh is being abusive, whiich I worry  
> yabout too being vulnerable
>
> thankks more l ater
> ray
> Rayilyn Brown
> Director AZNPF
> Arizona Chapter National Parkinson Foundation
> [log in to unmask]
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "PATTI ZAPF" <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Sunday, December 27, 2009 10:30 AM
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: Help!! Advice needed re caregiver
>
>> my suggestion is you get the book : MAKING THE GOLDEN YEARS GOLDEN,  
>> BY EVA MOR
>> She outlines several suggestions about caregivers and one of the   
>> biggest challenges of finding and keeping one.
>> She suggests you switch them out.  I know this is scary, alot of  
>> work, and training, but Eva says there is a burn out on caregiving.
>> It makes sense, as your caregiver has had the same routine for 5  
>> years with you.  Maybe more work, with less money.
>>
>> I don't know, at times i think caregiving is a thankless job.   
>> Unless  you have Parkinson's, you can't feel what the patient is  
>> feeling, only  notice how it affects them daily.
>>
>> Sort your dirty clothes for her.  Label each basket on how you  
>> want  them washed, with directions.  Add a sign to the dryer,  
>> asking sorted  clothes not be dryed together.  Maybe she just  
>> doesn't remember how  you want things washed and dryed...  Maybe  
>> she is thinking about all  the other things in her life she needs  
>> to do, while taking care of you.
>>
>> trying to be helpful,
>> patti cg 16
>>
>>
>> On Dec 26, 2009, at 8:47 PM, rayilynlee wrote:
>>
>>> Hi NK and fellow Parkies and CGs:
>>>
>>> I've had company the last few days and unable to  do computer  
>>> work.   I'm completely worn out.
>>>
>>> I'm also having problems with my "caregiver".  For sometime now  
>>> she  has been very annoyed and angry with me for my voice  
>>> problems.    Because I am not screaming bloody murder she assumes  
>>> PD is like  getting old.   If I raise my voice she reacts like I  
>>> am angry with  her even though I have explained that I "strangle"  
>>> when I try to  speak.   I typed her a message on the  computer  
>>> this week.  The  trouble is she is not a very smart or  
>>> sophisticated person and is  not going to change.  She will never  
>>> understand Parkinson's.
>>>
>>> I'm putting this message on the PIEN in an effort to get advice  
>>> from everyone.
>>>
>>> There are other problems too (last Christmas she threw out my   
>>> mothers ashes), the destruction of my clothes with lint,  
>>> wrinkles,  putting white and dark colors together is reaching a  
>>> critical mass  and she denies any responsibility and she told me I  
>>> should  buy  different kinds of clothes. She left me for over an  
>>> hour at the  manicurist while she ate lunch last week.  I don't  
>>> mind her always  eating on the job, but this was too much. She  
>>> never answered her  phone when the proprietors called her several  
>>> times.
>>>
>>> She lives with her daughter, son-in-law and is part-time  
>>> babysitter  for their 3 young children.  They both work for  
>>> Southwest Airlines  and she never knows what day she will work for  
>>> me.  She has a hectic  life and I try to accommodate her.  I store  
>>> her things in my extra  closets for her.
>>>
>>> Any suggestions would be appreciated.  She has good qualities and  
>>> it  is not easy to find someone.  She has worked for me for  5   
>>> years.     In the beginning I made a list of chores and left her   
>>> alone.
>>>
>>> These problems have grown - as my PD has gotten worse.  the  
>>> clothes thing happened a few at a time.  eating on job has  
>>> increased -  she  used to take  me out to eat and I bought her  
>>> meals.  not answering  her phone is a few instances at a time.   
>>> Not wanting to make a big  deal out of little things, they have  
>>> accumulated.
>>>
>>> Ray
>>>
>>> Rayilyn Brown
>>> Director AZNPF
>>> Arizona Chapter National Parkinson Foundation
>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>
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