Welcome Brian,
 
Your situation is not ambiguous.  Your experiences are very similar to those
of many other Parkies who have joined the List.   The early depression which
was probably an unrecognized symptom as it was in my case; the use of Prozac
which I did not use, but many others on the List have had experience with and
written about; the seemingly rapid progression after initial diagnosis which
I too had and which scared me and my wife; the muscle weakness which I don't
have just in the right foot and leg, but throughout my body especially in the
upper back making my excerise program more difficult; the hand tremors for
which I have to take Permax; the loss of dexterity of hands which is
presently making typing this Post difficult (you don't see the corrections)
and which early on caused  and still causes my handwriting, including
signature, to become diminutive and illegible when my Sinemet dose is at the
low point; the difficulty being heard (my wife used to complain about my
being too loud, but no more - I was a high school teacher-; the swollowing-
until I learned to "gulp" water I had difficulty swollowing my pills;
negotiating here and there, I too am bumping into walls, dressers and what
ever else moves into my path - I sometimes think the world of objects has
joined a conspiracy against my "motion disorder". List members will agree
that there is no doubt you are  a Parkie and based on what was revealed by
your Post  they  will also encourage you to continue to be open and positive.
 The first year is really the pits, but it gets better.  The depression and
bitterness will subside, the humour will come back  in force, the activity
level will increase " at times" as you will probably need to begin the lowest
level of Sinemet dosage.
Most neurologists prescribe Sinemet 25/100 depending on the symptoms and how
much the patient want to "improve".  Janet Reno is on Sinemet.
 
Your second neurologist should go back to school.  He either didn't know how
to give the simple motor and other tests, didn't ask the  right questions, or
didn't listen to what you were saying - or maybe he did and chose to tell you
what you wanted to hear.  Thank your primary care doc for the first referral.
 My Cardiologist recognized my weak arms and jumping legs as possible PD and
referred me to a Neurolgist who recognized my "mask"-not knowing that I
usually look like that.  He was forewarned because my appointment was for PD
testing.  The List members' experiences with diagnosis of PD might be funny
or pathetic, but some of them were very serious causing considerable harm.
 
By your Post you are already beginning to go beyond denial and you are
dealing with the situation.   Our condition and its Diagnosis was a  shock to
 all of us, but as you will hear from this group there is still much to be
thankful for and your life will go on as you make the necessary changes.  The
more positive, searching, challenging, loving, etc - the better your life
will be.  Your training and experience has already told you that. Perhaps the
ambiguity is that you now need what you have been giving for all those years.
 
Finally, a few suggestions:  (Not from an  expert, only a fellow Parkie)
1. Begin to think about "early retirement".  Plan  ahead and be very careful;
there are traps out there that you will want to avoid.  Going on Part Time
for example and the way it relates to  disability income.  At 45 this is of
immediate concern.   I  double missed out (heart disease and PD) and now
"make" only 1100 on retirement and social security! It could have been about
5000 per month.  DON'T ANNOUNCE YET. Check it all out FIRST. Nobody knows for
sure how your condition will change. Listen to the Parkinsonians of your age
and condition.
 
 
2. Try a minimum dose of Sinemet (non CR) over a period of about a week to
determine the  effect IN YOUR CASE.  We are all different and have different
needs as  well as symptoms.  Did you read the recent  Post on Drug Holidays -
I think it was by Marge? She is really something-very gutsy.  I was tempted
to try it myself.  The Sinemet should really help.  Then the choice is : take
the Sinement and get some relief along with the future increasing adverse
side  effects and gradual diminution in results or put up with the symptoms
as they get worse.  Your neurologist should have been more specific in terms
of the possible future.  This prognosis and the early use of Sinement  is
quite controversial among members of this List.  Listen to those Parkies who
are "earlier" than most (age 30-50) who have a different experience than
those of us who were diagnosed after 65.
 
I hope this was of some small help.  We may not overcome, but we will endure
with hope, patience and many frustrations, by reestablishing our purpose and
goals for life as a Parkinsonian and then charging ahead.
 
Glad to have met you Brian,
 
Fred Turner
 
(To Heather: I'm back and I have not forgotten to send you the information on
my diagnosis, etc.  Brian's  story will also add to your information.  Soon,
Fred)