Hi,
  Another new member letting himself be known and heard.  I've been =
reading/listening for several months,
even introduced myself once (that's when there were so many lost or =
refused messages).  So, let's try again,
  I'm 44 and was diagnosed  with PD 3 yrs ago, so I guess I'm in the =
"young PD" group.  I have lived and=20
worked in Germany (for the U.S. Army - civilian) for the past 13 yrs.  I =
went to a doctor in 93 thinking that=20
maybe I had diabetes because I was getting "shaky" around lunch time, =
especially when I worked thru (skipped) lunch.  I had one other symptom: =
 my left hand wasn't able to scrub my hair - it kind of froze.  All the =
tests for diabetes were negative, so I was referred to a neurologist, =
who said "PD."   I've seen 3 Army Neurologists and went to the Emory =
Clinic (June 96).  I kept hoping one of them would say "nope, it's NOT =
PD!"  None of these doctors had any good news or suggestions, only hope =
that something new would be coming along some day.  The Emory doctor did =
say that I should be doing more with med's, such as agonists, so the =
discussions on what to take, possible side effects, complications, etc. =
has really opened my eyes and given me food for thought.
  The other topics that have been right on the button for me have been:  =
DEPRESSION, sleep problems, protein and being "on & off," tears, and =
family issues.  I currently go through a lot of helplessness and =
hopelessness, thinking about it only progressing and getting worse - not =
a happy thought!  I also know that I'm blocking a lot of sadness and =
fear, and avoid dealing with those feelings VERY well.  Several friends =
and co-workers know that I have PD, but most don't.  Why?  Job and =
needing to feel that I can still function without special =
considerations.
  Family background:  my father was diagnosed with PD in the early 50's. =
 He didn't want to become a "vegetable (as he said)," so he looked for =
any experimental programs he could find.  He ended up in Iowa, had 2 =
brain surgeries, and ended up with brain damage, and became the =
"vegetable" that he didn't want to become.  He died in 1962 from medical =
complications.  I know, PD isn't hereditary!
  I feel like I have terminal cancer and am slowly withering away.  My =
family and friends look at me the same way - they ask me "how I'm doing" =
all the time.  They see me shuffling my feet, my right hand shaking, or =
just thinking in slow motion and they want to assist me, like I'm =
crippled.  I don't get mad at them, I just feel ashamed, tainted, =
embarrassed, frustrated, anger and mostly lost.  Suicide has crossed my =
mind, but I want to be around and wouldn't want to put that additional =
burden on my family.  Support groups just aren't available over here, at =
least not in English.
  The plan is to transfer back to the U.S. next year.  That's me and =
thanks for listening.

Mark
email:  [log in to unmask]