Dear Kees
You have a clever daugther!!
We all, Pwp and all other people, build walls when we have to protect
ourselves. The problem is if we forget that it is ourselves that build the
walls and we go on and believe that it is still neccesary to keep up the
wall.
Maybe it was good and neccesary at one time to build a wall as a way to
protect oneself, but if the situation after a while is another, then you
had better look out and if you can see it is changed, then remove the wall,
and know you have it as one of your ways to handle things and other people.
Also if the situation is changed for ever, well maybe it is better to come
out and look for what that can be used to.
Actually the wall has nothing with PD to do, but  is one way to cope with
life which says: I donīt want the hard things in life and right now I have
to protect myself from them. I donīt like  to accept that life can also be
so hard. And if life shows up to be so hard, then I put up my wall, in this
way I accept it, and in another way I donīt confront it. If it has anything
to do with PD, then it is that PD is another of these damm hard things in
life you have to cope with.
You must be proud to have a daugther who says out loud what you yourself
know inside. Shows you one way to be more flexible withs ones wall, and she
formulates herīs wishes to have her father step out and show her ways to
handle the difficult things in life, which you already have done a lot,
since she is grown up so clever!
On the other side she is also pointing on your own wishes to go out and
dare be open and loving and vulnerable and have good relationships. And at
the same time knowing that lions maybe are waiting in the bushes, so
remember your gun and be prepared for a good hunt!

Well, it often takes one to know one.
Svend



 Date:    Wed, 4 Dec 1996 00:28:03 -0500
> From:    Kees Paap <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: A wall ?
>
> Dear listfriends,
>
> I had an experience I like to share with you.
>
> Introduction.
> I have a lovely daughter, who is studying at the high school in the
middle
> of our tiny country "Nederland". She is 18 years old and started with the
> subjects psychology and social communication and many others. Her name is
> Natasja. To be a good social worker one has to have selfconfidence and
the
> ability to listen interested to ppl who want to tell their story. In
order
> to find the selfconfidence the students are trained in giving
presentations
> and handling conflict situations. One of those trainings is giving a
> personal presentation about a subject, free of choice.
>
> The Metaphore.
> My daughter choose for the explanation of her thoughts, how SHE tought,
that
> I protect myself against the world, including my family. She built with
big
> wooden blocks a wall between me (played by herself) and the outside world
> and by each line she explained, she pushed a block from the wall, this
way
> tearing down the wall.
> In the text she put a ==> as a mark  for pushing away a block. My
daughter
> wrote as if she is me.
>
> The Wall.
> Natasja:
> This wall I built against the community, to keep my disease behind and to
> protect me and my surrounding.
>
> Block 1 : This wall I use to keep up appearances against my relatives and
> specially my family  ==>  But this is not necessary because they want me
as
> I am.
>
> Block 2 : This wall is necessary for my concentration. As a symptom of my
> disease it is hard for me to concentrate and because of this I am soon
> chagrinic.  ==>
> When I have to concentrate I can say so and don't need the wall.
>
> Block 3 : By this wall I prevent that my feelings are being hurt. ==> By
> being "open" I can prevent being hurt.
>
> Block 4 : This wall is built by disappointments because of the
frustations
> that I can't do certain things any more, such as writng and playing the
> trumpet. ==>  but many other things I can do, like playing volleybal.
>
> Block 5 : This wall is as a symbol of my medicin, which prevent me of a
good
> sleep ==> But on  the other hand : I can fill this time by doing things I
> want to do for the Society.
>
> Block 6 : This wall is also for the disappointment that I can't do my job
> ==> I did have the opportunity to loose myself in computers.
>
> Block 7 : This wall is built from the many accumulating activities I want
to
> do for the society ==> Many positive things are part of this, such as
> beautiful journeys.
>
> Block 8 : This wall stands for the difficulties I had to accept my
disease.
> ==> but fortunately I had much help.
>
> This has been a very important argument to me, to choose to study social
work.
>
> Comments by Kees.
> At first I wanted to fight this wall Natasja built. But she let me built
> this wall, so I cannot fight  it. So I tell what I felt after reading and
> re-re-re reading it : The wall exists, but I will not take it down,
because
> I need it to protect myself. I will make it less high so we can hang on
it
> and talk over it.
> Some things she assumed are correct others are not, but that is not
> important. The main issue she showed me clearly is that not the wall is
the
> problem, but the way the wall is built, is the problem. I built it alone
> (that's how Natasja sees it), but I think we built a wall from both
sides.
>
> Did you built such a wall?
> How do your children think about this?
> Any other comments?
>
>
> Kees and Natasja Paap