Cacaphony of Dissonance

'Twas  the  nocturnal  segment  of the  diurnal  period
preceding the annual Yuletide  celebration,  and  throughout
the place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence
among  the  possessors  of  this potential,  including  that
species of domestic rodent known as "Mus musculus".  Hosiery
was  meticulously  suspended  from the forward  edge  of the
wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an  eccentric
philanthropist  among  whose  folkloric  appellations is the
honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent  siblings,  comfortably  ensconced  in
their  respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing
subconscious visual hallucinations of  variegated  fruit
confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.  My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings,
were about to take slumbrous advantage of the hibernal
darkness when upon the evenaceous exterior  portion  of  the
grounds there ascended such a cacaphony of dissonance that I
felt compelled to arise  with  alacrity  from  my  place  of
repose  for  the  purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the  barriers
sealing  the  fenestration, noting thereupon that the
lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface
of a recent crystalline precipitation might be said to rival
that  of  the  solar  meridian  itself--thus  permitting  my
incredulous  optical  sensory  organs  to behold a miniature
airborne  runnered  conveyance  drawn  by  eight  dimunitive
specimens  of  the genus "Rangifer", piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur  so  ebullient  and  nimble  that  it  became
instantly  apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated
caller.  With his ungulated motive power traveling  at  what
may  possibly  been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic
alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath  musi-
cally  through  contracted  labia, and addressed each of the
octet by his or her respective cognomens--"Now  Dasher,  now
Dancer..."  et  al.--guiding  them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode, through which structure I  could  really
distinguish  the  concatanations  of  each  of the 32 cloven
pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile  location,
and  was  performing  a  180-degree pivot, our distinguished
visitant achieved--with utmost celerity and via  a  downward
leap--entry  by  way  of  the  smoke  passage.   He was clad
entirely in animal pelts soiled by  the  ebon  residue  from
oxidations  of  carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on
the walls thereof.  His resemblance to  a  street  vendor  I
attributed  largely  to  the plethora of assorted playthings
which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant  with  reflected  luminosity,
while  his  submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evi-
dence of engaging amiability.  The capillaries of his  malar
regions  and  nasal  appurtenance  were  engorged with blood
which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former  approxi-
mating  the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter
that of the "Prunus avium", or sweet  cherry.   His  amusing
sub-  and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common
loop  knot,  and  their  ambient  hirsute  facial  adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen
water.

Clenched firmly between  his  incisors  was  a  smoking
piece  whose gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his
occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of
holly.   His  visage was wider than it was high, and when he
waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undu-
lated  in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemis-
pherical container.  He was, in short, neither more nor less
than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical per-
ception of whom rended me visibly frolicsome  despite  every
effort  to  refrain  from so being.  By rapidly lowering and
then elevating the eyelid and rotating his head slightly  to
one  side,  he  indicated  that  trepidation  on my part was
groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced  fil-
ling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted  from  his
aforementioned  previously dorsally transported cloth recep-
tacle.  Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt
about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtapo-
sition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium  forward
in  a  posture  of  leave-taking  and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.   He
then  propelled  himself  in  a  short  vector onto his con-
veyance, directed a musical expulsion  of  air  through  his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of bur-
den, and proceeded to soar  aloft  in  a  movement  hitherto
observable  chiefly  among seed-bearing portions of a common
weed.  But I  overheard  his  parting  exclamation,  audible
immediately  prior  to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility:  "Ecstatic  yuletide  to  the  planetary  consti-
tuency,  and to the selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes
for a salubriously  beneficial  and  gratifying  pleasurable
period between sunset and dawn."




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