Dear Ruth:
Do I envy you and wish that my wife could see it your way.
I am so happy for you because I know what it can do to a family.
Keep your spirit up.
Henry Gutttetag




Ruth Spielberger wrote:
>
> From: spielber
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Date: 01/23/97 20:48:36
> Message-Id: <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Living
> X-Mailer: NETCOMplete v3.20, from NETCOM On-Line Communications, Inc.
>
> Hi friends.  I have been wanting to write, but since I am a
> writer, it is very hard to just chat without trying to win the
> Pulitzer prize.  There are many times when I feel so isolated.
> I'd love your support. I have learned so much from you.
>
> My name is Ruth.  I am 53.  I was 45 when I was diagnosed.  My
> daughter  was five and my husband  was forty-one.  I was
> terrified.  My biggest fear was that I would be a burden to my
> husband and child.  I was depressed.  I read everything I could
> about Parkinson.  I tried to convince the Neuro that I didn't
> have PD.  I started on Sinemet.   We were living in the
> Netherlands.  We traveled all over the world Russia, Italy,
> France, Greece.  I continued to play tennis.  I was always
> feeling sorry for myself but I realize now that the books I was
> reading and the fear of the future were causing me problems.  My
> life was going just great. I wish I has smiled more.
>
> I was sure that when we moved back to the states, the doctor in
> America would find that this was a mistake.  We moved to Houston.
>  Our daughter started kindergarten.  We bought our dream  house.
> I had it all, a handsome  husband and the life that I wanted.  I
> went to the best neurologist, expecting to hear that I did not
> have Parkinson.  He kept me waiting for two hours and then spent
> only  two minutes with me.  He put me on Permax and charged me
> three hundred dollars.
>
> I became determined to not have PD.  I took the medicine when I
> had a tennis game, aerobics class, or activity with my family.  I
> tried healing meditations, I read many books.  I was hyper. I
> changed  doctors many times. The worse thing I did was take
> valium when the sinimet wore off.  I was feeling great or
> terrible or drugged.
>
> One day I gave up. I was exhausted I let my husband take control.
> He took me to  another neurologist.  I was given a schedule. My
> husband set up a program on the computer. The alarm would go off
> and the name of the medicine and the amount to take would be on
> the screen.  I was taken off  valium, and was in bed for over two
> months and still not doing well.  I could not walk; I was in pain
> and felt my life was over.  I was afraid that I would have to go
> to a nursing home.
>
> One day I looked in the mirror and saw a frail woman with a
> crippled body.  I looked like the people that I had seen at the
> Parkinson support groups.  That day I accepted  reality, that I
> had been acting awful.  My family was suffering because I was
> being so selfish.  My daughter was confused by my changing moods.
> I had been protecting her instead of including her.  We told her
> everything about Parkinson.  I began letting her help me by
> bringing  medicine and helping with chores.  She became a
> delightful companion.  Her sense of humor, her positive attitude,
> and the young ideas  she brings to my life are my miracle drugs.
>
> I started taking prozac which was an aid in acceptance but the
> weight gain was terrible.  I take one every other day, and I
> exercise everyday with a senior citizen's group.  Some of these
> ladies are eighty.  The exercises keep my muscles toned.  I am
> able to do everything.
>
> I still worry a lot about my husband, especially when I read one
> of those beautiful articles written by a caretaker whose mate has
> completely changed.  The article always talks about the poor soul
> whose life will never be the same because of Parkinson.  I  feel
> guilty enough; I  am sorry this happened.  But marriage is for
> better or worse.  These articles give suggestions  such as take
> time away from your spouse to protect your sanity.  It is hard to
> have a normal relationship with a person that no longer  takes
> you seriously, blaming any behavior that is not pleasing to him
> on drugs or disease.  The truth is we have both changed a great
> deal and would be adjusting to mid life problems anyway.
>
> I no longer feel sorry for myself.  My housekeeping is sloppy,
> but it always was.  It is great to have an excuse.  My cooking is
> only for special occasions.  I live one day at a time and when I
> look back I am amazed that I have very few bad days.
>
>                Ruth