>Date:Sat, 8 Mar 1997 23:53:02 -0500
>From:Automatic digest processor <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject:  PARKINSN Digest - 7 Mar 1997 to 8 Mar 1997 - Special issue
>To:Recipients of PARKINSN digests <[log in to unmask]>

>
>Date:    Sat, 8 Mar 1997 13:39:45 -0500
>From:    Barbara Mallut <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: Antw: Female sexuality and sinemet
>
>Marling....
>
>I thought about your question a bit before responding as what had been a
>heretofore vague personal observation began working it's way to the forefront
>of my mind...
>
>Like you, I'm single, date, and think about sex as well as feel the desire for
>it upon occasion both in relation to the men I date - if there's an attraction
>- and just "in general."   But when I date I don't just go to bed with a man
>on a whim.
>
>There HAS to be a passage of time since our first date to permit desire and
>affection to grow,  and a strong attraction as well as desire before that'd
>ever take place on MY part, at  least... so the actual DEEDS are few and
>far-between, 'cause all that just doesn't automatically happen.
>
>Basically, BEFORE I felt really "Parkinsonian," I didn't sleep around
>casually, but thought about sex and desired it.   After I began to feel real
>"Parkie-ish"  I still feel the same way towards sex and desire, but added into
>that is the thought that "What if I were to enter into a long term
>relationship, i.e., marriage, with someone I've grown to love - would I want
>to give him the dubious honor of turning into a caregiver?"
>
>Before anyone rushes in at this point to add their two cents about how the
>choice SHOULD be his.... yes, I agree.  However, in a dating-type situation,
>as affection grows that is NOT AT ALL based upon my having Parkinson's on the
>MAN'S part (I know - because I've asked some of the men I've dated).  It's
>very much based upon all the other components and dynamics of what brings two
>people together long enough to permit love to grow, and not even so much as
>ONE man has yet given any thought to what comes AFTER we're an 'item," in
>regards to the possibility of my condition further degenerating and thrusting
>both of us into a somewhat different relationship than had originally been
>anticipated.
>
>The longer I've had PD (and I've had it 21 years) the more conscious I become
>of the above when I begin dating a fella.  I recently started dating a man I
>genuinely like and respect, who I've already told about my having PD, tho
>haven't yet gone to bed with him.
>
>This is not because the desire isn't there, but because not only does he have
>law practice but teaches law at a local university 4 nites a week, plus has 2
>teenage sons living with him.  I work full time, and have a female roommate
>and I'm sensitive to HER feelings about what it'd be like if there was
>love-making going in the bedroom next to hers with all that is included in
>that (faking a becoming blush) <grin>, so there's ALSO a "logistic problem!"
><this is worse than when I had two teenage kids daughters at home!> (giggle)
>
>We've managed to get together once or twice every weekend for the past month,
>and have talked on the phone daily for the past two months.  But this cannot
>be described as a "typical 90s 'fast-food' courtship," by any means, which in
>my opinion is a PLUS (albeit a sexually frustrating one) <smiling> because
>it's permitted us the luxury of TIME - time to get to know each other before
>going to bed together.
>
>We're going out this evening, and I plan on bring up both the "logistics
>problem," AND the "probable future caregiving situation" with him, because it
>feels right to do this now... but it's going to be tough!! (but heck.. I'll do
>it anyway!)
>
>All that said, it's much harder to even THINK about dating nowadays, as it's
>harder just going out ON a date - takes longer to get ready to go out, to
>clean the house enough to make it what I consider to be "presentable," and to
>even feel DECENT enough to go out.  There's ALWAYS the temptation to just
>shrug and say, "It's not worth it to me."  But so far, I fight that instinct
>as I know it is healthy to go out, be with people - or a person - and to enjoy
>life as much as is humanly possible, given my living with a degenerative
>neurological disease.
>
>ALL this goes on in my mind BEFORE ever becoming physically intimate with a
>man.  ALL this goes on in my mind as I grow towards emotional intimacy with a
>man.   So I ask you.... with all THIS running 'round my mental track, WHO has
>time for SEX? <groan>  Thank God for vibrators! <major blush>
>
>Barb Mallut
>"Lil_Honey" on the PD Chat
>[log in to unmask]
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Everyone who thinks Barb should go for it post a "YES!".

Everyone who thinks Barb should hold off send batteries.

Everyone who would like to know a little less about Barb's personal
life post a "Shhhhhhh!"

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