Sorry, I couldn't resist.  I've never bogged down a list with humor before,
but I was rolling on the floor with these, and thought it might strike a
chord with many of you.


>>> SUBJ: Frequently-Asked Questions About Health Care
>>> By David Lubar
>>>
>>> Q. What does HMO stand for?
>>> A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go
>>> back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a
>>> patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was
poked
>>> hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger
poke
>>> with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the
>>> result remains the same.
>>>
>>> Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
>>> A. No. Only those you need.
>>>
>>> Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
doctor
>>>  I want?
>>> A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer
>>> will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were
participating
>>> in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors
>>> basically fall into two categories --    those who are no longer
accepting
>>> new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the
>>> plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan
and
>>> accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!
>>>
>>> Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
>>> A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want
to
>>> talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be
pre-stuck
>>> with it.
>>>
>>> Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
>>> A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
>>>
>>> Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
>>> A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
>>>
>>> Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand.
>>>  I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What
should
>>>
>>> I do?
>>> A. Poke yourself in the eye.
>>>
>>> Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap.
My
>>> insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd
already
>>> paid my bill. What should I do?
>>> A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check
over
>>> to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those
>>> great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill
farms
>>> or frog hatcheries.
>>>
>>> Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
>>> A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
>>>
>>> Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
>>> A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your
>>> primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then
get
>>> sick.
>>>
>>> Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle
>>> my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart
transplant
>>> right in his office?
>>> A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10
>>> co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
>>>
>>> Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
>>> A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
>>>
>>> Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
>>> A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
>>
>>

----- Forwarded Message Ends Here -----
Nancy Pearl Solomon, Ph.D., CCC-SLP
Assistant Professor
Department of Communication Disorders
University of Minnesota
115 Shevlin Hall
164 Pillsbury Dr. SE
Minneapolis, MN  55455

(612)624-1010
(612)624-7586 FAX